A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am overwhelmed.Nine months ago or so, who I thought was my best friend started dating the guy that I had a huge crush on for over three years. I know he wasn't an ex-boyfriend, but he was still a huge part of my past. He and I always had a more than friendship kind of relationship yet we never made anything official. He and I are still pretty close and we can constant contact with each other. Lately, we have been talking a lot more and it almost seems like it was before they started dating.Now, I just started talking to my ex-best friend again and anytime she mentioned him, I got this weird happy/sad feeling. Like I'm trying to be happy for them since they both seem happy with each other yet at the same time, I can't. I just think of the possibility of what could have been between us if we took that chance and how I could have been in her spot.I just don't know what to do. I still have these strong feelings for him yet I know that he is a loyal guy so even if he has any of those feelings towards me, he will just ignore them and stay in the relationship that he is in since he was very stubborn with his feelings regarding me when we were both single.Is there any hope for us? Am I going to just have to suck it up and deny my feelings and let things be and see where they go? What should I do? What is the best thing for everyone?
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female
reader, obsticalfree +, writes (25 September 2009):
He's in the friend zone and not available now so ignore your feelings and move on. Who knows what might happen he may end up single and you may have actually moved on and won't be interested any more. Life if funny that way :) I say remain friends if in the future he is free and you are free and she is okay with it than go for it. The problem here is you are grieving 'what could of been' so the lesson is the next time you need to persue it. I suspect it will be someone else and not him but you are in a good position you have learned something and have two good friends wish them the best and focus on you - :)
A
female
reader, [email address blocked] +, writes (25 September 2009):
Honestly, I think the best thing for you to do is let it go. The two of you had your chance and now you've lost it. Even if you do capitalize on your feelings you're going to hurt your friend in the situation because she's gonna feel like a pawn that was sorta used. If he liked you he should have never gotten with your friend. That just solidified that you two cant be together on the strength that you two care about the other party in the matter. Don't just think of yourself in the situation. Your her friend and you're supposed to wipe her tears away not create the tears and walk away.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (25 September 2009):
 why were you waiting for his stubborn feelings? i think, with how strong your feelings were, you should have made the first move. So often we hear of people loosing out cause they don't step up and say something, they wait to see what happens.
I think, if he becomes single again, snatch him up before someone else does. This shows you how quick comfort can change. I think it's best for you to remain his friend. As you said, he's faithful, which is a good sign of who he is. He's not an ex, but realizing to that you weren't doing anything about it either. So, remain friends until he's free again, then snatch him up. Tell him how you feel. I don't know if you felt as if you were to tell him and get rejected. It doesn't sound like he would have. If that is a fear, I'll tell you, holding a secret crush for a long long long time can be more damaging than rejection. It's the difference between knowing and choosing not to know, but wondering "what if."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2009): Hi, if you have had interest in this guy for three years and it never developed into a romance, then he is just not interested in you that way. I think he clearly is in the friend zone, you two are friends, and it seems that you have some pretty strong feelings about him and think he is really special. I am sure he feels some of the same.
However, he is interested in other women, namely your girl friend for a romance and if he had romantic feelings for you, it surely would not have taken him three years to pursue that with you.
Now that he is involved with someone else, regardless of who it is, it is really inappropriate of you to try and break that relationship up.
If you really feel there is could be more between you, then bide your time until he is single again and take the risk to tell him of your romantic feelings. Realize by doing this the friendship may be lost forever, because once deeper feelings are revealed it is hard to go backwards, and if your feelings are not returned, he may just move on completely.
I tend to think this is probably not the guy for you, but a really good friend, be thankful for that because you will still have him as a friend no matter what happens and that is pretty special. Try not to feel rejected or feel badly that he picked someone else, it doesn't mean he doesn't care for you, he just sees you as a friend only...ask him to help you meet your romantic match or something like that!
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