A
male
age
30-35,
*alshie93
writes:I'm asking this question because I don't know what to do.I broke up with my girlfriend about 2 weeks ago now, and it was horrible, we had argued for like 2 weeks before hand and had been together for just over 4 months, short, I know.However, when we broke up I was in complete denial about us not working etc etc, and I took the time to just say yeah okay I agree with breaking up, like I had read on the internet.A week passed and I wrote her a letter saying I agree with her and that, and that if I had a second chance etc it would be different, explained everything wrong my end and just made sure to apologise to anything I did wrong.The letter worked to an extent, she text me and said she really is glad I understand how she felt and that she knows its hard for me....after that we got onto talking about getting back together, and we spoke on the phone etc etc and she had no idea what to do.She is so confused and so we've been talking since then, not lots but occassionally it spills over into talking about getting back together even though she said she is thinking about it.She said she doesnt want to let go of me and cant let go of me, and that she doesnt want a boyfriend but something deep inside wont let me go.I went to see her yesterday afternoon and dropped a drink off at hers when she was unwell, I guess she was surprised because she had wanted to speak the next day in person but I took it upon myself to go and see her yesterday. We got talking and for some reason when she hugged me I went to kiss her and she turned away and even though after that it was fine conversation there was a little thing inside me that nagged at me. She said she missed me and when I said you still want to hold onto me? she said yes.She said over text that night I was wrong to try and kiss her and that there wasnt enough there in her for her to want me to kiss her, she wasnt my girlfriend anymore.I have told her last night on the phone when we spoke, I wont settle for second best and I cant be friends with her if she just says no because its unfair to ask that of me, EX GIRLFRIENDS cannot be friends as well.I love her, it took me a damn long time for me to realise this, but I have never ever tried this hard for a girl like this.She said people are coming up to her saying they we should get back together, so everyone is fighting my corner for me, and no one is saying bad stuff, they can all see I care.When we spoke last night, she said things like on one hand there is something there she cant believe and that she said she wont have time and that to see me all the time and things, but Ive said they are irrelevant things that I can see her at lunchtimes when we meet up and now and then on evenings after college or at weekends, its just coming up to the exam time and that every couple feels like this. When I asked her if she loved me she said her feelings had faded a bit, which sort of through me, but I can understand.She said on the good things though that she doesnt want to let go of me, that going from all this to nothing would be horrible for her and that I am trying to hard for her that its made her stop and think.I have tried so hard to tell her about her doubting things and that sometimes in life you just have to act, she said she had to let someone go once before and it was so hard, and I said then act differently now, change something in your life.What annoys me is that she has these feelings for me like I have said and she is doubting them by overthinking. She wants time to think and that, but when I think about it, I am scared of her just getting over me and her using it as an excuse to not think about it at all but run away.So what I want to ask isWhat is she trying to tell me? Is she actually considering getting back together with me, the letter worked I'm telling the truth and I do love her. I refuse to let her go until I get a NO from her, and then when I do, I will drop out her life because I do not want to be friends, I cannot be friends that suddenly because seeing her move on will hurt so much.I dont know what I can do know. I want her to text me or talk to me and I find she isnt.Should I just not talk to her at all or what? I know its a hard question, but I know people out there ESPECIALLY girls can tell me what this girl is thinking.Its like her feelings say one and her head says another. She says I am still sometimes pressuring her into a decision, and I know I dont mean to but If she really wanted something why would she think about it?I have had an updateShe said she isn't using the time to push me away but rather using it to convince herself to give it another go. And that all the little things i'm trying to do now are not helping.She said she honestly doesnt know what to do and she isnt taking me for granted but if I want to leave it and walk away because I am not happy then its my choice.She has said she isn't letting anything fade, and that I haven't listened to anything she has said, she doesn't want a boyfriend, she doesn't have time for the committment and everything else, she is saying I don't get it, that I have brushed over it and not taken it into consideration.She said she will still feel pressured when we just see each other or something because she will know that I want her to be my girlfriend again and a relationship isnt what she wants right now and she cant see when she will want on.I said to her, we don't need to rush back into a relationship, and she said, she doesn't want one at all so wouldn't it be leading me on, I said so what do you want to do, just go around and meet other lads, and she told me she doesn't want to do that, she just doesn't want that right now.I said we dont need to be in a relationship to want each other, that aslong as she wants me and I want her, for now its enough taking it slow again.I asked her if she misses me, and she said she misses parts of us.I still have no idea what to do, I feel sick when she talks to some other boy, I'm scared of losing herI've lost my cool now, I had it under control when I stopped talking to her, but now it feels so fragile and I don't know what else to say or do, I need some solid advice and steps
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 November 2010):
 You have to surrender to the unknown. She wants her answer to be a sincere yes, from her own heart, and not be influenced by your wishes. She's telling you what she had told you, that she needs time to miss you. You did what the internet told you to do and you messed up by being impatient.
There is an imbalance in the relationship. Nothing wrong with that. Someone is always going to love one more than the other. It sounds like you put in more than her. To get her to do more you have to do less. No one is too busy to have a relationship. When you act clingy it makes it look like time is even more strained.
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