A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i am 36 years old and have been married since may 07, my wife and i have been together for 4 1/2 years of which we have had some fantastic moments.she was divorced from her 1st husband back in 2006 and we have now bought a lovely home and are moving forward with our lifes- i thought!! back in aug i found intimate text messages from another guy,i was to say the least - kicked in the teeth , she said that it was just a friend and nothing was going on, this was 5 weeks after we got back from our honeymoon!! since then i have given her many chances to stop this torrid text situation and i also found out she had dinner with him on a night she said she was going out with friends. she blames me for many issues that had happened at the start of our relationship almost justifiying what she had done, she has totally lied to me and i feel let down and unloved by her. i love her with all my heart and i want more than anything for our marriage to work out but she clkearly has issues from our past and past relationships, i just dono no what to do. i have been a mess for 8 weeks , she has told me she is not texting/seeing this guy anymore and i do belive here she says she wants space- whats all that about, its a right mess- can any body help????
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female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (2 October 2007):
 Wait just a second here. You have been with her for 4 1/2 years, but she was only divorced a year ago? That means you were dating her when she was still married, right? Even if she had already filed for divorce and you started dating her when she was separated, a divorce only takes a year to a year and a half (often less), not 3 to 3 1/2 years. That means you were dating her for about 2 years or more BEFORE the divorce process even began. Are you the reason for the divorce? Dont you know that 'if they will do it WITH you, they will do it TO you'? I am sorry to sound so harsh and please correct me if I am mistaken, but I think you made some very poor decisions. Plus, just as an aside, you had a 2 month long honeymoon? Wow! That is long! You said you got married in May and in August was only 5 weeks after you got back. When, in all this, did you purchase the home together?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): I don't want to appear pessimistic or cynical...but did you invest a lot of your own money into the property? maybe she is hoping that you split up in order for her to have her 50% share of the proceeds should you sell the property? it's happened many times before....
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A
female
reader, rockelle +, writes (2 October 2007):
 I am sorry to hear that your marriage has started on a bad note. THis is only the beginning. If you are willing to forgive her and work it out I suggest that you seek some counseling to work out some of the issues that she needs to work out. In addition to that you should talk with her and ask her does she want to work things out. If you have any doubts that she isn't sincere about moving forward and working out your problems then I would quit while ahead. I am not suggesting that you give up on your marriage because I know that the most difficult situations can be worked out, and as long as your partner is a human being they are entitled to there share of mistakes, some are just more serious than others. I think that once you work through this with her your relationship will be stronger and you will be glad that you decided to fight for your marriage. Best Wishes.
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