A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i am a bisexual girl and i just got out of a 2-year "weird thing". well it was definately not a relationship but not friendship either... when i met her we both became interested in each other but we were both seeing people. when some months later i broke up she took care of me and at the same time she had broken up with her gf too. we ended up in bed some times and we were like a couple without actually calling ourselves a couple. then she got back together with her ex even after i told her i wanted her all for myself. i respected that but we still kind of make out for some time. then we became something like friends. i just wanted to be near her and help her and love her even as a friend. i was really ok with being friends actually. but she kept pushing mw away for some months and asked me not to call her my friend, even though we were inseperatable. i stopped of course. everything was ok until we ran into a girl i used to be friends and i had made out some times with. i introduced her but didnt mention we were best friends or anything. then we got in our first great fight because i didnt call her my friend(she later announced herself to my dad and his co-workers as my close personal friend).for 2 years she kept hating anyone i dared like and we were always together. when she broke up with her gf and found a bf we three were really close. then she became distand again and was getting mad at me for no reason. i thought she was jealous of her bf but when i asked she freaked and told me that she doesnt care about him but he is spending too much time with me and i'm neglecting her. we kept having small fights every other day for about a year but nothing major. we had settled in a routine.last year we were in a club pretty drunk and i kissed her. she kissed back but later when we talked about it she acted like i had assaulted her and i told her it was just the drinks, i was sorry and i understood if she didnt wanna talk to me anymore. she still wanted me in her life so we forgot about it all.unfortunately after that she bacame more mean with me and she was either super-sweet, cuddling etc. or completely mean all the time. in the last few months she met a guy and they became a couple and i met a guy too(those 2 were friends). she liked my guy as a friend until she realised i liked him. then she hated him and didnt want him to come when we all went out etc.she became unbearable really. paranoid, mean, sarcasting... until we had a big fight and i left(i returned to my hometown) and i haven't spoken to her since then. i believe i did the right thing i left bacause everytime i tried to talk to her about how she has changed and how all this mean thing annoyed me she kept making fun of me. i was suffocating, she didnt even "allow" me to go to my house for more than an hour in each 3-4 days, let alone dating anyone...but i feel kind of guilty because i was the only one that really knew how to make things ok when she got depressed, i supported her economically, we even had plans about our life in the future(we wanted to live together). leaving was the right thing for my sanity but am i selfish? is my own emotional and mental health worth leaving her without help? please help aaall answers welcome(even if you just say i am awful for leaving)
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best friend, broke up, co-worker, depressed, drunk, got back together, her ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks you guys for answering my question, and helping me relieve some of the guilt i feel, i really appreciate it :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2012): My goodness just reading about this "relationship" made me feel so exhausted just imagining all that went on!!
You definitely did the right thing of leaving. She was Emotionally Abusive. And that really trashed your self esteem and your perception of reality, which is what happens to victims of Emotional Abuse (please read up more on emotional abuse to educate your self on what happened and why you feel the way you do).
Emotional abusive relationships are often Co-Dependent too (read up on that too if you're not familiar with that term). right now you're showing classic signs of co-dependency which is you feel you "should" stay for her sake even though she treats you badly.
It's very clear what you should do. You should stay far far away from her for a long long time. I would say, forever! Cut off all contact because Emotionally abusive and co-dependent exes will try to suck you back into their deranged lives to continue the toxic "dance" with them. You need to leave behind toxic people, and form new healthier relationships with non-dysfunctional people. there is no reason to have people like her in your life.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 She is NOT your responsibility.
When you are on an airplane and have children with you you are told to put the oxygen mask on yourself first THEN the children.....this goes against EVERYTHING a parent feels and believes... that we need to take care of OTHERS first... (and in the case of children that can be true to some extent) but WE CAN'T take care of others if we DON'T take care of ourselves first...
YOU have to take care of YOU.....
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 January 2012):
 It sounds to me like the two of you were toxic together and you did the best thing, which is move on. You are not responsible for her happiness; she is an adult and has to get on with her own life.
I would stop feeling guilty, mourn the loss of the friendship and accept that not everyone that comes into your life will be a permanent fixture. Perhaps your ambivalence about this is because you haven't properly processed your feelings. It sounds to me that some counseling may help you sort things out a bit and leave you feeling stronger and more able to cope with these conflicting feelings.
You are not selfish and you do not need to keep a toxic person in your life because she is needy. You have my permission to let it go and forgive yourself.
Create your peace now, make the changes you need to become mentally stronger, okay? Good luck.
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