A
female
age
41-50,
*innieM
writes:My Niece is 14 and she has changed dramatically in her teenage years from the very considerate and empathetic girl she once was, to a looks obsessed, withdrawn and troubled teen. Her parents are now divorced and I suspect her Mum to be in part what troubles my niece, I fear my Ex-sister in law lives vicariously through my niece and thinks she is 16 again being more of a friend than a Mum to her. Her Dad doesn't seem to take much of an interest or if he does it is usually after the fact when there's not a lot he can do. My parents have my niece's to stay regularly but I fear they are naive to the real going's on in life. I am unable to have overnight visits due to the fact I live further away although I travel through as much as I can. The problem I have is knowing how much is reasonable Aunt interference and what is excessive. The things I learn from some of my friends whom she is unaware know some of her friends makes me think that she is on a road that will soon involve ( if it doesn't already? ) underage sex, drugs, violence and victimization. She also for the second year running turned up to Christmas family celebrations dressed as like a hooker, proof to me that her parents do not have a clue! Please don't mistake my use of the word hooker to mean that I am a prood, far from it but I'm sure everyone can agree that it's not particularly appropriate for the occasion. Should I try to talk some sense into her in a last ditch effort to keep her from wasting her life or do I keep out of it and let her make her own mistakes? I have a brother I can ask for advise about this but I'm not sure that he wouldn't then tell her father everything so if anyone has has a similar experience I'd be grateful for your opinion!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 You are walking on a very slippery slope here. I think you just need a nice sit down talk with her father, your brother, and explain all your concerns. Just let him know that you are concerned about what you've heard. But what you really want to be sure of is that your niece trusts you and feels your love for her so if she does need advice she will freely seek you out. Don't sweat the clothes or attitude those choices come and go as fast as the teenage years.
A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (4 January 2012):
 It's a sticky situation, and talking to her could lead to some pretty bad family fallout if she takes what you say the wrong way and complains to her parents.
However... She is your niece. You are part of her family, and you obviously care enough about her to be concerned. If you knew what you said to her would have a positive impact on her life, would you still hesitate? I doubt you would.
I'd talk to your brother first and voice your concerns. If he takes what you have to say well, and isn't angry or feeling you're overstepping, then I think you may be able to talk to her without causing many problems.
She may not know it yet, but she's lucky to have an Aunt like you.
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A
female
reader, supermum +, writes (4 January 2012):
 This is a tricky one. The last thing a troubled teen needs is more 'nagging'. If I where you I would try to make a friend out of her. That way you can listen and advise her on her problems, be a steady influence and a friend.If you are on good terms with her mum and dad, then speak to them. Let them know you are worried. Try and encourage them to spend more quality time with her, doing things she wants to do. Maybe even shopping for some more conservative (albeit fashionable) clothing. If you are stuck on how to get started, why not arrange a pamper evening with her? Teach her how to use cleanser and toner on her skin, how to moisturise, how to wear makeup properly, paint her nails, wear a face mask etc etc. It is usually a good way to get the girly chats rolling, I know I do it for my friends when I think they need to talk lol.Good luck!!!!
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