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*rizzylizzy
writes:I am out a long bad relationship. About 6 months now. I have met this super nice guy. He is loving caring and will go anything for me but I'm not sure if I am attracted to him, although we have only have had 5 dates. I can see he is really into me and I like him but my last relationship was really passionate and I am just not feeling it at the moment. Although that did end in disater. Should I stick it out and see where it goes or finish it. What is more important animal attraction or someone who can treat you like a queen? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 June 2012):
 I have always found that while a super nice guy is a great thing, if I don’t have a decent sexual attraction to him nothing is going to happen. And by 5 dates I would know…
It’s not really about the ANIMAL attraction, it’s about the sexual attraction which is different. It’s better if it’s not ANIMAL, not base, not drama…
Sounds to me like this is a NICE guy you like but that you don’t want to pursue a relationship with him as he’s not doing it for you sexually. This is not a bad thing.. it just is what it is…
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2012): It depends OP if you're comparing the passion you felt with your ex to the guy now. It's never going to compare because you will never have as intense and fiery a relationship as you will with a toxic asshole.
It will never be the same OP because the highs and lows aren't as extreme and never will be.
I've had some really toxic relationships and as messed up and draining as they were they were very passionate and thrilling but animilistic is all they were because being with them made no sense.
Look are you not attracted to him at all or are you not AS attracted as your last guy? If it's the latter OP then give the guy more time. Passion can build but try not be deluded as to think it will ever be ss intense ad the last guy. You see in the best relationships there is a mix nit a trade off. Dependable, secure, kind, generous are all acceptable replacements for intensity as long as there is also a nice amount if passion. Look give this a chance, I find passion can develop over time as the emotional bond is made but if you're not sexually attracted to him now you never will be.
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (8 June 2012):
 If this guy really likes you as much as you say, then you should stick it out and see where it goes. Animal attraction is important, I personally cant imagine my relationship without it! But you also have to remember that it does wane with time and what replaces it is a calm, understated, undying love, respect and unconditional support. Brute, raw passion is exciting only in the beginning but you need to have something much, much more substantial to back it up
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 June 2012):
 Well, here's the thing. I wouldn't take animal attraction if that meant that is was high drama, high maintenance, and unstable. You said your relationship was passionate, but really bad.
Attraction to someone doesn't have to be this brute, animalistic affair that implies danger and instability. Someone who is really nice and who you click with on many levels allows a much deeper love and passion, making mere animal attraction seem superficial and devoid of true love.
But, I'm sure that my definition of "animal attraction" might be different than someone else's.
I think what you're doing is comparing people to your past ex, and time is making you nostalgic about the good times with that ex. Remember the bad, moody, horrific side of your ex, and that "animal attraction" you had with him may not seem like such a good thing!
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (8 June 2012):
 I think the poster is saying that the guy she met is nice and loving but not someone you'd describe as Wild. I also think she's wondering whether she could make it with Mr Not As Exciting as Former Boyfriend. The answer is maybe, but women are usually kind of sure about that very quickly.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2012): I think he should not necessarily treat you like a queen, but just respect you. It is meaningless for me without magnetism though. He can be the nicest guy in the world, but if we don't "click"...it's over. There has to be some tension there to keep things interesting!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 June 2012):
 I'd not settle for anything less than both. Animal attraction usually does go hand in hand with treating you like a queen, in my experience.. So I don't see why I should have to choose. If the man worships you and adores you, well, he's naturally going to be sexually attracted to you as well.
But your problem isn't that HE isn't attracted to you. Your problem is that you are not attracted to him. 5 dates might be too soon to say you wont be attracted in time though. Just take it real slow, see where it ends up. But in the end, if you just don't feel it then you don't feel it. You can't force your heart (or limbs) to feel what isn't there.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2012): BOYH are important, equally and simultaneously.
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