A
female
age
51-59,
*arriedbutalone
writes:I have been married for many years and my problem started after my husband turned 40. Our sex life has gone down hill. He can no longer get hard for me. He said he likes young teens...What is it with men when they reach their 40's they only want to have sex with teenagers? Please help. I love my husband but am lost with this urge he has.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2008): How about another technique babes.. this is all about him. He doesn't feel right, he wants young girls, he wants no sex... HIM, HIM, HIM... sometimes wives can spend too much time pandering to a man's needs and feeding into his pathologies.. try something else..
Not about him, about you. Leave him alone, go and get your makeup done, start buying new clothes, pick up a new hobby. Basically start concentrating on your needs, your development the things you need out of life. He's unhappy, your unhappy, everyone's unhappy, and unhappiness feeds off unhappiness. How about you accept he has this problem, and leave him alone to deal with it, whilst you concentrate on making yourself as sexy, exciting and interesting as you can for YOU. Start going out with your girlfriends, your family your mates, start flirting with the mailman, the postman, the strange guy in the street.
I want you to find your sexuality and sensuality again. This lack of sex thing must be making you feel old and depressed. This is not the way to get his interest. Start sparking up your own life (no affairs, don't cheat) start working on your own attractiveness, and perhaps he'll wake up from his depression long enough to realise your attractive, you have goals, and if he doesn't start sorting himself out then someone will steal you away.
You ever heard the saying "treat them mean to keep them keen". I want you to be young and sexy again. I bet he will notice, get scared, and then it will be a case of him chasing you and begging you for sex, rather than the sad situation you find yourself in now. Go to the Gym and loose weight, cut your hair. Make the best of you, and the responses from other men will reassure you that there is nothing wrong with you and your still a sexy woman, albeit one with a husband who has a problem...
Another solution, I've been advised is that your husband could be suffering from a lack of testerone which happens to some guys as they get older. Depression and lack of sexual desire can occur. Ask his doctor to run some test and see if they can give him a course of testerone replace. Just like us women who sometimes have to take HRT when we are older, this may be the result of a hormone imbalance in your husband.
Do both. Make yourself beautiful and look after your own goals, and take him to the doctor. The combination should cause some movement in your marriage....
A
female
reader, marriedbutalone +, writes (16 December 2008):
marriedbutalone is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell here is an update on my situation. we are still married but have NO sex life. we have not had sex in a year , I have tried almost everything in the Spice up your sex life. book and to no avail . He is good to me and provides me with everything a husband should. (but no sex). He waits for me to be asleep before he will come to bed. He will stay on his computer until 1 or 2 in the morning. He says he loves me with all his heart ? and that Im am his life.? I am to the point now where im tired of my toys and want sex with a real person. We have talked about his problem and I always ask him to go see the dr. to get something to help him but he wont?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): Its not that im upset that his eye is wandering, cause lord knows I like to look too. but my problem is that it is interfering with our sex life. Now if it inhanced our sex life I would have no complaintes he can look all he likes. but when when he forgoes a real woman who is ready and willing to please him for the teens on the internet then yeah im feelin unloved and unwanted, ugly , undesireible, and useless.
All the comments left here are helping, they are helping me try to understand what my husband is going thru
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): Men just want to have sex with women who are at their most fertile. Men are mostly attracted to the same kind of woman whether they are 15 or 55. It's just stupid biology and it does not care how much it hurts our feelings.
When I was a teenage boy, it used to piss mee off that so many of the teenage girls I knew were so much more attracted to older teenagers and grown men in their 20s-40s than to me. It used to piss me off that these girls were treated like they were so much more mature just because grown men were attracted to them and vice versa.
It's just the same stupid biology that was depriving me of girls back then. Being a teenage boy, you feel just as rejected over your age as you do as a grown woman when your husband's eye strays.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 In the monkey world, the males will loss interest in the
females after sometime and sex becomes disinterested to the males.
But when a new group of females were introduced to those males ,
they were interested to copulate again.
In some humans, it can happen like that.
Not just young girls but any other women may perk them up.
They get tired of the standard fare and to make them
interested again , you will have to innovate and spice up your sex life.
There are a lot of online materials if you do a search there.
Food is very important. The right kind of food which is like an aphrodisiac will perked up his sex drive.
You can Google your question or browse this site ;-
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexsolo/0,,traceycox_b6vtmjv3,00.html
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (7 April 2008):
 This a a cute subject - sure, older men may dream or fantasize about sexual encounters with those nubile youths, but the truth is that women closer to our own age are the most pleasing, understanding and wonderfully nourishing in a relationship. Somehow, I must have blinked and suddenly woke up to find that I have lived 60 years and yes, those vibrant bodies look great, but (from experience) real sex is much greater with women much closer to my own age.
It sounds to me like your husband has developed a fairly early erectile dysfunction problem and may be using the idea of younger women as an excuse to mask his problem. I'm a bit embarrassed that I often need Viagra or Cialis, but I'm now dating a woman seven years younger and I usually need it. For many of us, such is reality.
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A
male
reader, Smiffy  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 Hi I agree with Collroy, dont tar us all with the same brush...I am 41 yrs old and I prefer older ladies for the same reason...they are more switched on...far far sexier...
Keep your young inexperienced girls....I have no interest..
On a lighter note....and only if your husband is healthy....slip a viagra into his food...LOL....20 mins later he wont be able to help himself....
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 Hi again,
It looks like a mid life crises to me. I guess you have to ask yourself how long you can go on having your self confidence eroded like this.
Is there anywhere you can stay for a while ? ( not sure if you have kids etc) so he can be on his own and start to accept reality.
Who does he think he's kidding wanting to sleep with young girls anyway. They will all think he is just a dirty old man, so I dare say he wont get the opportunity to go through with his little fantasies.
He may just need a jolt to shock him out of his self importance. If he doesnt have a warm body next to him to share his twisted little fantiesies he may start to realise what an arse he is being.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, marriedbutalone +, writes (7 April 2008):
marriedbutalone is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to loneyto. I would like to say that I have tried everything he wanted sexualy (but sleeping with a 15yr. old gir,that is where I draw the line.). and he still couldnt get hard. We havnt had sex for about 7 months. and Im getting more and more lonley by the week. Its kinda of hard to continue to try and spice up my sex life when I get no reaction from him. he says he is sorry and doesnt know what is wrong ??? then he rolls over and goes to sleep,.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): i am 52 and i like women my age....a lot. I look for a woman who feels sex is an important part of the zest of living. an older woman competes by performance rather than looks. just because the car in older and the paint job is faded, doesn't mean it won't give the driver a good thrill in a race. let the unwise waste their time on the showroom floor drooling over the new bright shiny models they can't have.....you just come over and park it in my garage.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): I've experienced similar behavior, but after some thinking and pondering, this is what I found:
If the relationship isn't going well, and the man feels that he isn't getting his needs met, that there is a disconnect with his partner, then other women will spark his imagination of what he once had and wants to return. I notice much younger women around the early 20’s I seemed to be attracted to. I also realized that there were similarities to these women now with girls I knew from the past. Why? Because he recalls the beginning of the relationship and wants it back. He is missing what he had with you. He may not realize this unless he went through what I did, thinking and pondering, searching for why he does it and thinks what he does. You can learn allot about yourself if you start communicating with your deeper feelings. This is also the time when everyone tells you to get over it and to keep yourself busy. If you keep yourself busy, you won’t realize all the things that has happened over the years that brought you where you are today. Today, I know what I need, just to bad the wife won’t listen … we may not last much longer together because of it.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (7 April 2008):
Hi,
this man over 40 doesnt like teens at all. Nor do any of my friends, so you can count us lot out of the stereotype being portrayed here thankyou.
Sure I understand the lure, younger, thinner , tighter etc...but you also get the inexperience - give me a confident sexual woman in her 30's or 40's over a teenager any day. And that doesnt even include the fact that after sex you would still have to talk to the teenager - what about? her stupid friends she texts every 3 seconds? her cute teddy bears? her homework? I mean c'mon!
Maybe your husband is hinting at spicing things up a bit, but if you are already doing things pretty spicy in the bedroom then tell him to take a hike.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008):
Hi dear, I want to refer you to a posting that came through this site, quite some time ago. There were some very, good answers and quite a diverse array of opinions on this issue you are going through. Check it out.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-his-attraction-to-teenage-girls-normal.html
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A
female
reader, MissCupid  +, writes (7 April 2008):
 Alot of men are like this believe it or not! They just like teens because they're young, 'hot', thin and really into sex, which guys find a huge turn on. Try experimenting in the bedroom with cute outfits etc. But don't do anything you are uncomfortable with.
When he realises girls out there don't want an older man he'll realise how lucky he is to have a wife that loves him!
Good luck =] xx
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