A
male
age
30-35,
*hatsme
writes:Hi,Heres my story. I met this girl through mutual friends about a year ago. We became very close friends very quickly. Eventually began to feel very attracted too her, and she felt the same way. The problem was that at the time she was not into any sort of serious relationships in anyway. She just wanted to fool around. I kinda of went along with this for a short time but i didnt feel too good about it. I wanted a relationship with a little bit more substance. I kind of brought this up but for some reason when i was talking with her i told her i thought it was best that we not continue because i valued our friendship and because we were part of the same group of 5-6 very close friends that us fooling around might not be the best idea. In reality that really wasnt the problem and i knew that. So, we pretty much stopped at this point, but continued to be very close friends. I would say she is my best friend and i hers. Over the next few months she had a few guys that she got what she wanted with. My feelings for her eventually went away. Another girl came into my life for a few months but that didnt work out and i no longer talk with her(no hard feelings on either side). But now, as i am her closest friend she comes to me for advice about guys. She now regrets the meaningless relationships she had been in and is looking for a real relationship now. She is asking me for advice about a new guy that she likes. I have been giving her my best honest opinions but i have noticed that this is bothering me a bit and that i am now having feelings for her once again. She has been trying to pursue this guy for a while now with no luck. I don't know how i should proceed from here. Do i act on my feelings? I feel very well "friend zoned" at this point but im not sure how to handle this. Should i just try to look elsewhere and hopefully these feelings go away?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2010): Give it a bit of time and look elsewhere, your feelings might just be based on how close you are and the fact there's no other girl in your life at the moment. So being close to her and having a close emotional bond might just be giving you romantic feelings because she's the only one giving you such close personal attention.
I say this because you had feelings for her briefly before but decided not to do anything and those feelings went away. If they went away before they'll probably go away again when you find another girl. Something stopped you the first time, this says to me it's not really feelings you have for her specifically but more the affection you two have. You have a close friendship and it can be easy to gain feelings for a friend like that when she's the only close woman in your life.
You see you've both been dating others and she now wants advice on another guy, you have a level of trust now that might be broken should you say anything.
Try out other girls go and date, if you still have feelings for her after that then you'll have to consider your options.
But for the moment don;t risk your friendship based on feelings that have come and gone before, especially seeing as you nearly got with her before but pulled away.
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