A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started a new job recently, and on my second day there I crossed paths with a guy who works in the same building; I had seen him wandering around earlier that day, but later on we were walking in opposite directions down a hallway so I attempted to make friendly eye contact/smile... he flat out looked straight past me, like I wasn't even there! I won't lie, I thought about it for the rest of the day, simply because it was so off putting. It wasn't like a "I'm in such a hurry and so focused" thing, it was like he was deliberately avoiding looking at me, and it made me slightly self conscious.A couple weeks later I popped into work on my day off, to take a coworker to lunch, and he was there again. Again, he avoided looking at me, but this time he kept doing things really loudly and exaggerated; I didn't know if that was just how he was, or if he was trying to draw attention to himself. Him and another girl I work with were throwing sarcastic banter back and forth. My coworker wasn't quite ready for her break, so I hung around until she was.I had been there maybe 15 minutes when said guy shows up. At first he leans against the wall outside the conference room we were in and twiddles his thumbs for a few minutes. I could see him through the window. Then he comes into the room and sits down, still staring at the floor and twiddling his thumbs. Then he walks up behind me, and at this point I couldn't see him anymore, so I have no idea what he was doing, but it made me slightly anxious. My friend was like "Oh, L (the guy) this is M(me)." I turned around quick, said hi, then faced away from him again. He didn't say anything to me, but he and my coworker made small talk for a bit. He then goes back to the chair, sits for a few more minutes, still staring at the floor, then he gets up and leaves. At this point my coworker turned to me and said "that was weird, he's worked here for 4 years and never come in here before, he has no reason to." After lunch I run back up to my office to grab something I had forgotten the day before, and this guy is back to being slightly loud and showy again. At one point I did catch him staring at me, and he IMMEDIATELY looked away. Usually I'm really good at reading people (for what it's worth, I'm an empath) but for whatever reason at that point I couldn't peg him. After I had gone home and had time to mull it over, it started to creep up on me that maybe this guy is into me? And shy? I don't know. I'm a fairly shy person myself, but the guys that normally approach me are very extroverted, so I have no experience with shy guys to compare it to. I just keep thinking the whole thing is weird, for lack of a better word, because I don't know how to explain it. I just want to know what his deal is! Sorry this is so long, I figured anyone answering would like all the details before making a call on the situation. Thank You :)
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 April 2018):
 I don't think you need to change YOUR behavior to "adapt" to him.
TREAT him like you would ANY OTHER coworker you don't have or have to interact with. With professionalism and courtesy. If he chooses to be weird around you, THAT is on him. You don't need to give him special treatment.
It seems like you generally know how to act around most people, so TREAT him like "most people".
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2018): You're at work. My advice is to write-off these ridiculous performances as weird; and keep your personal-feelings and emotions carefully-stored behind your professionalism.
Young-people in your age-group tend to let inappropriate personal-feelings and their emotions guide their interactions with co-workers.
Your commitment is to your job; and establishing your professionalism among your coworkers is more important.
If you are new, your every-move is scrutinized by management. Sizing you up as a potential asset, or liability!
Word of warning. Other competitive-females will set you up. Playing your friend and confidant, while talking behind your back. Learn who your real friends are, sweetheart! You are at a new job! If she (or he) takes you under their wing to teach you the ropes, so you will succeed. That's your friend. Not the guy trying to get into your underwear or the slick female trying to fit you into her clique and the established pecking-order!
Think like you may be their boss someday! Get along, but watch your back!
I'm telling you this as a manager and supervisor in a large firm. I am a director over many upstarting young people.
He's playing head-games. He's the office-player, and knows how to manipulate women; knowing many need male-validation and attention.
He plays games by showing attention to some, and ignoring you. Then your "I've-been-ignored/rejection" warning-light comes on, and he knows he's got you pegged!
You'll do whatever it takes to ingratiate him, or to engage him; and he will see an opening. He will continue to ignore you until you nearly make a fool of yourself to show him you will not be ignored. This mindset is leftover from high school. Time to outgrow it. He has practiced this same lame trick on every other young-female in your office. To boost his own ego, and to feel he's the rooster in the hen-house.
Focus on the job you were hired to do. Deal with your co-workers as co-workers. Whether they are shy or into you is totally irrelevant. He doesn't sign your paychecks, he didn't hire you, and his opinions of you don't mean spit!
Establish yourself as a focused, serious, and hardworking employee. The impression you make on your supervisors will prove a lot more beneficial than whatever impression you make on Mr. Player!
Date and pursue your love-interests away from where you earn your bread and bill money! You're one smart-female hip to his lame-ass head-games!
Got it, girlfriend?!!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 April 2018):
I agree with Anonymous 123,
Sorry, Gretchen you can't make "fetch" happen.
You want this guy to be super into you and thus his behavior is off the charts.
I think he is a VERY awkward and weird dude who doesn't know how to be in social and work situation around women.
I mean for goodness sake you smiled at him and he made SUCH a big point out of ignoring you and then later ignoring you but banging around. Who does that? An immature 5 year old.
He works at your office, he is weird and that is that. A weird coworker is all. WHY try and make more out of this then it really is?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2018): On the contrary, I'm not interested in taking things farther at all. Being on the quiet side my whole life has made me very observant, so I notice such things about any person I'm around, especially when it changes the energy in the room; he is no exception. All I'm after is clarity on the situation so I can handle things appropriately should it come to that.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (4 April 2018):
 I think you're taking it too far for no reason. It's obvious that you want him to be interested in you that's why you've noticed every glance, every action and every twiddling thumb. It's more likely that he thinks that the new girl at work keeps noticing him far too much for his liking.
You do know about workplace romances right?
You don't know this guy from Adam, you don't know a thing about his personal life, you don't even know if he's married/in a relationship/divorced/straight/gay or bisexual!
You don't really need to take a call on the situation because there is no situation! His only "problem" is that he works in the same building as you and you've woven a fantasy novel out of it! None of what you've mentioned is weird but you almost want it to be because you want to believe that he likes you and is shy and is hence coming on as awkward.
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