A
female
age
41-50,
*helNates
writes:Hi, my best friend finally admitted that she has a weight problem (she was in denial for years). So now she is on a diet and she's giving me a lot of heat just because I'm being supportive!! She said I'm being optimistic and she hates me for that? Then what does she expect me to say to her? I'm so annoyed now and then suddenly she wants to make this dieting thing into a competition. I have been dieting and so far is successful and I'm happy because I take it slow but I am losing weight. But now she wants to make everything into a competition and she counts calories like giving out orders. She talks a lot bout calories and different sets of exercise but she never seems to have the time to exercise! She brags that she will go running or join the fancy gym with a personal trainer and criticize me that I only walk my dogs at the beach and she keeps on saying it's not enough. I'm now avoiding her but she is so keen about the 'competition' and she keeps on checking up on me. I feel she has overstep her boundaries and she is always in a bad mood now. So what do you think is her real problem? I just want to know cos apparently I'm not 'allowed' to be a nice and supportive or even feel happy about my own life when around her and now she is obsessed and puts me down saying she has less to loose and I have to keep up with her! Thanks!
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female
reader, vamp-gal +, writes (2 November 2008):
 Hey, that really sucks! It sounds like your friend wants to loose as much weight as she can, and feels that she can do better in a competition, which is wrong, if you feel comfortable in what you're doing, stick with it, it's not up to her what you do. If she keeps bragging about all these fancy exersise gyms, call her on it, ask her how many times she's going, or when she's actually going to start going. Tell her you don't want a competition because you are comfortable doing what you're doing, she may say you're just scared, but, really, who cares, you know the truth, that's all that matters. Your friend may be putting you down, because, if she has just realized that she has a weight problem, then she wants to put you down, make you feel horrible, to make her feel better about herself. But this is wrong. Like me, I know I'm not as slim as I would like to be, but I would never say anything like that to my friends, one of my friends is always being supportive, coming up with new things, she likes it doing things like the gym, even though she doesn't need to, I don't get angry at her for the things she does, I'm grateful, and your friend should be grateful that you're being supportive and want her to do well. If you ask me, she doesn't know how good she's got it.
Maybe you could have a talk with her, tell her how she's making you feel. She'll either get angry, or feel guilty, but it seems you really do need to talk to eachother about what's going on, about how you want your friend back. She may see that what she's been doing has actually hurt you a lot, and may stop. If not, then she doesn't deserve a friend like you.
Hope everything works out okay.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (1 November 2008):
She sounds like she has some problem going on that is all coming out in the form of this dieting mess.
I don't know if you can get to the bottom of it and help her because you seem to be the focus of her lashing out. Is there anyone else like a mutual friend that you could get to have a word?
When it comes to it then I think next time she phones you just have to say that you don't want to compete and that you are sick of the way she keeps getting at you.
She'll probably make it all out to be your fault since that is what she is doing so far, but hopefully she'll realise that you are too good a friend to say this lightly and will have a think and come back a bit mellowed out.
Good Luck!! xx
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