A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am 44 and 17 years older than my gf and was with her for 5 years, until this January when she ended it. She said it wasn’t working out and that she wanted to be on her own. It wasn’t working out because for that entire 5 years she wouldn’t tell anyone we were together. None of her friends or family knew about us. She kept saying she would tell them, but never did because she was convinced they would have nothing to do with her if they found out. But I felt, yeah they may not agree with the age gap, but they wont go that far, and over time they would accept it as her choice to be with me. As time went by I grew more and more frustrated about this, which affected me and in turn affected our relationship. No amount of talking about it would change her mind as she kept saying that telling them wouldn’t change anything. I agree it wouldn’t solve everything, we had smaller issues as most couples do, but it would solve the major issue between us both, which was me being a secret. It was a major issue for me, but not so much for her and she couldn’t see why it bothered me so much. Had she told them then I wouldn’t have been frustrated about it anymore, which would have stopped all the disagreements about it, which in turn would have stop her feeling so down when we had disagreements about it and, would have stopped the relationship being dragged down by the disagreements. Anyway, rather than tell anyone about us, she ended it.We still keep in contact by text a few days a week. The thing is, I stopped answering her texts for a few days because I really couldn’t be bothered anymore and am trying to move on. She then text me asking if I was mad at her. When I didn’t reply she phoned me to ask if I was mad at her. All because I didn’t reply to her texts.I don’t get it. She ended the relationship, she wants to be on her own, so why would it matter at all if I was mad at her or not; we are no longer together, by her choice?
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 May 2012):
 I agree, you need to maintain the non contact until she gives up.
She is probably missing the attention that a relationship brings but doesn't want to actually be with you. It's a selfish act, but past loves do feel 'entitled' to remain special to you, even if they dumped you...it shows their was some care there, but not enough to save the relationship.
Just ignore her or change your number, you have a right to move on and she is just going to have to learn that.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 May 2012):
 Hi
Yes it was her choice and you have every right to move on and stop contact. You do not have to be hidden away.You need a healthy open relationship and she had years to make this happen, but did not involve you with her life.
She is hoping I guess that you will miss her so much you will accept that again.
I hope you find happiness elsewhere and am sure she will give up and move on herself when she sees you are not going to go back to that situation.
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A
female
reader, beabea  +, writes (2 May 2012):
The fact that she hid your relationship says a lot about how she felt about you. No matter the age difference if she really valued the relationship she wouldn't have been ashamed of telling her family and friends.The fact that she is now worried about weather you're mad or not is because she does care about you, otherwise she wouldn't care less if you're mad or not. Now this doesn't mean that she wants to be with you, simply that she wants to make sure you're not feeling hurt. Sometimes we can be very selfish and want to be in control of men that we have cared for in the past even when we aren't with them and this is what she might be doing. Its best if you move on and just start focusing on you. Someday someone will come along that will appreciate you and not hide your or your relationship.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 May 2012):
 She wanted to be on her own means she doesn't want the pressure of introducing you to her family, yet she still wants to keep this underground relationship going. Your silence would tell her you don't want this arrangement. She has to respect your choices, understand your hurt that you had been led on for 5 years and in time she will move on too.
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