A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a male in my twenties and i am here because i am completely confused about my sexuality, i'm not even sure if i am gay or not. A couple of years ago i would not even think of asking this question since i was positive that i was 100% straight, i had a girlfriend (who i was attracted to initially) and got turned on by things that the average straight man would and men never turned me on at all. These past couple of years have been confusing to me, i have dreamed and fantasized about men and being in a relationship with one and what it would be like, i get aroused by the thought of kissing a man or more, i find myself thinking about them when i get aroused. I know so far it may look like i may be gay but i still find women good looking and attractive but they don't turn me on like they used to or as much if at all. I have never once dreamed about women before mind you. I have viewed a lot of sites and they have given me no satisfying answers, they keep saying to look within for answers or how only i can know the answer but i am too confused to know. I need some answers, advice and useful sites that can help me figure out who i am, labels are not important i know but i like to know my sexual identity as this confusion is driving me mad as some days i believe i am straight and other days i think i may be gay.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2012): Don't stress this too much. Whatever your sexuality is, it's innate, it's natural for you. It may also be fluid, not a static thing, you may feel slightly bi one day and 110% gay the next.
Because it's obviously much 'easier' to be straight vis-a-vis the outside world, it sounds likely (from everything you've said) that you (consciously or not) repressed your gay sexuality when you were younger and are now coming to terms with accepting it. This doesn't happen overnight, it's a fairly well-trodden path plenty of guys have been down before (some don't 'come out' until their late twenties!), and will bring its own rewards. On the other hand, you might revert to liking girls more. You don't really have any control over this, either way.
Be honest with yourself and think about it: who do you fantasise about more, whose bodies give you that fluttery, tingly feeling? Men? Women? Both of them?
Hetero, bi or homo, you should look on it as a blessing and one of the truly wonderful things on life. Be yourself, be with who you want, do what feels right, and don't get stressed over it.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2012): Yeah when i think about kissing a man or having a relationship with one it turns me on and it is something i think i would like to do, i have kissed a man before and i enjoyed it and have wanted to do it again but i was a teenager then and so i thought it was just for fun or experimentation but i find myself thinking about men more and more often these days and it confuses me, if i had felt like this all my life then i would say i am gay but i had a girlfriend before and i found women attractive, still do but they don't turn me on much or at all anymore.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): Thanks i guess but not exactly the answers i wanted as could use more input as i am still confused, i was hoping more people with their own experience could chip in and give some advice, I am well aware that sexuality is fluid or at least might be, what i want is an end to the confusion, some advice and perhaps links to useful sites that can help me figure myself out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2012): Maybe you are both straight and gay? I've been struggling with that too a little. I have always been attracted to men, but sometimes I think about kissing a female and get turned on. I can look at females and think about if they are hot or not. At the same time though, I never have the desire to have sex with a female. It's weird, I know, and I'm pretty much as confused as you seem to be. I'm still attracted to guys though also. I have a boyfriend though, and he teases me about it. He just thinks it's hot, so he doesn't mind. I hope you figure it out. Good luck:).
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A
female
reader, cmarieky  +, writes (2 May 2012):
Seriously dude, sexuality is so fluid. Almost no one is absolute straight or gay. We generally are 90% straight give or take 5%, or we are 90% gay give or take 5%. Sometimes we're 60% / 40%. You cannot put a label on something that's constantly changing, for the most part. Kids are not always kids, adults are not always adults.....its development. So you are getting turned on by men now......that only means youre more open minded and receptive and also you're changing/developing. You are correct when u say "I thought I was straight" you "were" straight. Now you're developing into an individual...still human....that embrace the thought of being with a man or such thoughts keep coming to u. If u want to be labeled just because for the sake of.....your own comfort...then youre gay at this current moment. Yes women still turn u on a small bit but u presently are gay. Now.....15 months from now you could be in the middle as completely bisexual or back to straight again bc like I said sexuality is fluid. And just as fluid changes shape if you keep changing the bottle shape and size so does us humans change at different development stage of our life. So relax, seriously. If you like men and are not afraid pursue one and act out your feelings. No one can understand why changes happen, you'll just have to adapt and embrace. Best wishes on your self discovery.
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