A
male
age
41-50,
*li_B80
writes:I am very interested in this woman in one of my college courses. We seem to be very comfortable with each other, because we walk and talk with each other every night after class. Here is the problem, it came up in one of our email conversations that she is currently in a relationship, and all be it that it is not a “happy-one”. She told me about this relationship, when I sort of made it clear that I wanted to be more than just friends with her. Even after she told me this she is still sending me signs, or what I think are signs anyways.For example the other day before class began, she got up from her desk and pulled out a sit at my table and sat next to me for about 10 mins before class began…You would think that is an obvious sign, right? Also like I said, we usually walked with each other to the parking lot after every class, but one night I decided I would stay after class and go ask the instructor a question, just to see if this girl would wait for me, or just leave…Well to my delight she waited for me, so we could walk out with each other…I know it seems obvious that she likes me, but here is what I am having issues with: 1). From what I know she is in a relationship. 2). She pretty much knows how I feel towards her already . 3). She is very hard to “read”, because she is such a sweet and shy person. How do I take those signs that I mentioned earlier??? (Her getting up from her desk and sitting with me). (Her waiting for me after class, so we could walk with each other )..I do not want to push it with her, because I am head over heels for this woman, but at the same time I do not want to ignore obvious potential signs…Is she just comfortable with me and trying to be friends, or is she starting to realize that she wants a relationship with me??
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): I think she likes you but and this is a big but, she is in a relationship already. Sounds like as it's not going well, she's keeping you on back burner status. Meaning if things don't work out with her man, she would be with you. But again a big but, things could turn around with her man leaving you in the dust. So if I were you I would put dating her out of your head and concentrate on being her long term friend. Build a friendship with her so after this class you are still good friends and in 6 months or a year or whatever who knows what could happen. But don't put all your eggs in that basket as she could stay with her man. Get out and meet other people, you may meet someone available. And maybe this lady is just showing you that you are ready to date again.Lastly, seeing you moving on may help her decide to leave her relationship once and for all.
A
male
reader, Eli_B80 +, writes (8 February 2013):
Eli_B80 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thank you to the two respondents that replied to my question….To answer some of the return questions posed to me, she is 29 and I am in my early 30’s, so we are pretty much at the same level there…Also yes she is in a relationship, but if she wasn’t interested in me why would she got out of her way to tell me that the relationship that she is in “is not a good one”, I just figure she wouldn’t tell me that if she had no interest in me, right? Also, SHE DOES know my feelings towards her, I did tell her how I felt a few weeks ago, and after I told her I figured it would get awkward between us, but it hasn’t we seem even more comfortable around each other..Plus she is the sweetest person I think I have ever met and considering that she knows how I feel towards her, I really do not think she would be playing games with me just to bust her ego, but hey I could be wrong…Finally, I went through a very messy divorce over the past few years and I really haven’t had much time or motivation to get back out there and get into another relationship, until I ran into her…I tell ya what, I have had plenty of women in my day, but I have never had that “love at first sight” feeling before for another woman, and I most definitely do with her…The hardest thing is not knowing how to read her, partly because she is naturally a reserved person, and when she gives me and only me this attention in the class, then it makes me think that she is considering me…I guess my best option is lay back, and take it easy and see what else I can pick up from her, it just drives me absolutely nuts when she does things like hang around and wait for me after class, to walk with her back to her car, and like I said coming to my desk and pulling up a chair right next to me, I mean these are signs you would think that she is interested, but maybe she Is just being friendly, that’s what I need to figure out, and I do not want to be obvious about it again, it seems I need to take a subtle approach with her….But like I said I am absolutely crazy about this woman, I really have never felt this way towards anyone,,,
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 February 2013):
 You are 30-35? How old is she?
I'd say that what you've described is a girl who is engaging in some mild flirting but I don't see this as her clearly signaling she is going to leave her boyfriend for you.
I would not put too much energy into this one. If she's single, then you are free to pursue her but as she is not, it's kind of a waste of your time. For all you know, she likes having her ego boosted by getting men to fall in love with her.
She spends, what, 10 minutes with you on class days? That doesn't sound like enough to get your hopes up just yet. I'd let this go for now and if she becomes single, you can change your approach.
Are you friends with her friends? That's who I would cultivate if I were you. If she sees you flirting with her friends, that may raise your dateability quotient with her, while at the same time, getting you another source of information about her relationship status.
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (8 February 2013):
 I think you should just have a serious talk with her, and tell her how you feel. You should always be honest about what you want. If you want to be more than friends then you should tell her that from the start. Don't be her friend unless that is what you want. Don't hang around hoping that things will move forward.
If she tells you that she doesn't think of you in that sort of way then make a decision. Do you want to be a real friend to her or not. If the answer is no, and if it were me I would put some distance between us and move on.
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