A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don’t understand what happened.I am in my 30s, I fell in love once when I was a teen 14 yeas old.It was so intense and somewhat had a feel of overwhelmingness and it didn’t end up too well even though we had a crazy run of about 5 years together.Then then I’ve got a job abroad and kept travelling for a while and then settled down in another content and had a family and years later got divorced. Life seems to be moving on, there is always something going on with me, job related to society and community work and my hobbies and friends.I never felt “in love” since my 1st relation, I then learned “to love” but it feels like coping or learning to live emotionally healthy.Only few months ago, I met a man who I instantly felt a dangerous attraction to. We started speaking and quickly became involved but not physically. I felt like I’m falling heads over heels with him, and I felt he share the same feelings.I then out of no where. I felt like “I have woken up” some weird awareness came to me and I felt like I am defenity NOT in LOVE with this man. He is as tall as my ex. He shares a lot of qualities that I loved in him and he also shares the same birthday with about 10 years age different between them.I took a closer look and I found myself writing this post, I am in a weird situation. There is a man in love with me who looks like my ex, born in the same day and hold the same personality type. It couldn’t get more creepier than this.And I was like I’m under a charm or something as I suddenly don’t understand those feelings that I experienced and then vanished and cleared out to this mess.Do you have an input into what the hell is going on with me and how to end tho “weird” relation ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2018): Hm, it sounds like that experience in your youth might have made a really strong impact on you, sort of "engraved" you deep down. In addition to whatever strong feelings you felt for that person at the time, the fact that you were very young (14) and the relationship lasted all throughout your teens suggests it might have been even more intense than a first love normally would be.
You say it was crazy and overwhelming. I wonder as you got older if you purposefully tried to have more reserved feelings for men after that, as a way to prevent that craziness from happening again? (I like your description of "learning 'to love' as coping or learning to live emotionally healthy"--I think I know what you mean.)
Teenage years are often crazy anyway, as we all know. If you fall head over heels now it probably wouldn't be as crazy as falling head over heels as a teen -- you have a full adult life now and don't have teenage brain chemicals racing in your head.
So I'm thinking maybe you should be open to letting yourself fall in love? In this case with the new guy, I wonder if you liked him at first simply because it brought up the old feelings with the first boyfriend? Or maybe you really do like the new guy and your old self preservation instinct of "don't fall in love; things get out of control if you do" shut it down.
I'd say let yourself fall in love and go a little crazy, knowing that adult romance (especially for someone who seems to be responsible and has a full life like you) is usually not as over the top as teen situations.
How about take a breather from the new guy and then see if any feelings for him start to creep up again?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2018): We tend to all go for a certain type of person and them being born on the same day is just pure coincidence. You're reading too much into it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2018): Well, if you don't feel anything for him anymore; you can't string him along wasting his time.
You were drawn to him for his similarities to your ex; then you realized his differences. You are also realizing you're an independent-woman, and somewhat of a loner.
So, end it and move on.
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