A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I would be grateful if any of the Aunts and Uncles could let me know what they think about this kind of behaviour. I have been married for 15 years and about 12 years into the marriage my husband started doing things which I can only class as weird. Here are some examples:- We go shopping and he walks through the door in front of me and then pulls the door partly closed behind him so the door bangs into my face with my momentum, he won't walk next to me but always behind when we are out, when we play ball games with the children he hurls the ball with so much force at me that it would take my head off, we are out and he pulls chairs and boxes out behind him when he walks so I have to pull up short or I will fall over them. I have asked him why he is doing this and he says 'its because I want to'. I have asked him what is the matter and he will not even look at me or answer full stop. He has effectively not now spoken to me for about 3 months. I do all the children's routine and it makes things very difficult to live like this. Any ideas on why a man would behave like that, suggestions to help? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to say that last night he locked me in the garage in the dark when I had come in the car pretending that he hadn't seen me come home. He knows that I am severely claustrophobic and it terrified me. I am going to have it out with him today over whatever anger issues he has and if it is not sorted I am taking me and the children and going. He could hear me screaming and he did nothing for about 10 mins and then when he let me out pretended that he couldn't find the remote. Really dangerous behaviour.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): Wow, that doesn't sound good. I would consider myself to be in danger. I am sure there are other indications of his violent behaviour, that those that you listed here, but I have a bad feeling about this.
Your husband acts plain crazy. Very violent. he doesn't want to communicate at all. You really should talk to therapist about his behaviour, I am sure he/she will be able to tell you something clarifying about your husband's behaviour. But don't delay it, before it turned to something really bad. It doesn't matter what's causing this kind of behaviour, don't waiste your time exploring that, you are not responsible for this violence, and you should care less wether he respects or falls out of love with you. You really must think about your safety and safety of your children. I wish you the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): Please have a look at this website www.hiddenhurt.co.uk as there is a lot of information on emotional/physical/verbal abuse and I am sure with what you describe these are not the only symptoms. Ignoring you and trying to hurt you are, in themselves, forms of abuse. I agree with the other posts you will need at some point before your self worth disappears to decide what you want to do and please be proactive. Don't leave it too long. Ask yourself what you would really miss if you left him.
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A
female
reader, Teacake  +, writes (26 November 2008):
 Classic passive aggressive behavior. Rather than express his anger openly, he shows you in hurtful ways.
He is obviously angry about something and refuses to deal with it openly and honestly.
You might have to ask him if he wants a divorce. Ask also if he loves you enough to deal with the anger he obviously is keeping to himself.
You might have to say that if he is so displeased with you, that you don't want him to feel forced to stay with you and to please talk about what is going on.
You might not like what he has to say and you will have to make sure not to get defensive and upset and argue. Listen to him without putting him down or putting him on the defense. You need to find out what the problem is and keeping quiet and allowing him to speak is the only way to get this information. Very difficult not to react emotionally.
I have a friend who is in her 70s and married 30 years to a man 20 years younger. He behaves like this and I don't have the heart to tell her that it seems their marriage is over. In her case, there is nothing to fix because of the age difference and he obviously needs a younger woman at this stage.
Not that this relates to your situation. But he is obviously angry about something with the marriage and he needs to express this to you so you can both find a way to break out of this rut.
Telling him he is abusive isn't going to help. You need to ask why he is treating you like this and if he is feeling trapped. If so, what can the two of you do to get past this.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, royalpredica +, writes (26 November 2008):
Your husband is not acting "weird", he is being "abusive" towards you. He is physically and emotionally hurting you - on purpose "because he wants to". You may be in denial about this because you describe him as acting weird when it is more serious than that. He appears to have lost respect for you. Maybe he is going through a midlife crisis? Perhaps you ought to have a word with your GP. But if he continues to hurt you, intentionally or not, you will have to make a decision as to whether or not you can put up with it for much longer (i.e. consider divorce). His behaviour will destroy your self-confidence and will have a detrimental effect on you long term. In fact, his behaviour and thoughts may become dangerously violent over time and you could end up in hospital. Then who would look after your children? Act now. I wish you all the best xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2008): He is acting very childish by not telling you his problem and you need to consider a divorce.
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