A
female
age
41-50,
*elloworse
writes:Last year I got involved with a man - a good friend of many of my close friends. I didn't date him for several months after I met him because he is still married. His wife was serving a 3 year jail sentence. Eventually I got to know him more, and we began to caually see each other. He told me, and my friends whom he lived with at the time also told me, that this marriage was over with and that he was just waiting until she got out to tell her. They have three children together, although because of their past drug history, they have lost custody of them to her parents. I thought at the time that it was fair to wait and tell her person to person that the marriage was over. That was 10 months ago. In December he moved in with me, and in February she was released. He has told her that he is living with me, but there has been no talk of divorce. When I try to discuss it with him, I never get a difinitive answer as to when or if this is going to happen. All of our mutual friend keep telling me that he really loves me and to just hang on. He keeps telling me that everythig is ok and to please let him and her handle it. It is now the end of April. I am getting tired of waiting. I have already made it clear to him that I am not willing to continue to be with him and have him living with me if he is not going to persue the divorce. It is effecting how I feel about him for obvious reasons. I know this is difficult for him becuase he doesn't have the money, he doesn't want to further estrange his children etc... but he is an adult and knew all of this from the beginning. I'm thinking about giving him a deadline to file, and am wondering what is a reasonable amount of time. In my state, you only have to live apart for 60 days before filing, a requirement they have already met.
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female
reader, yelloworse +, writes (1 May 2008):
yelloworse is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you - I think you are right. Last night I found where he is carrying a new picture of her and the kids with him - and also that they are texting and calling each other several times a day. it breaks my heart that I believed him, and that i've wasted almost a year on this man.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): He doesn't want a divorce. How do I know? because in the United States, you can get a divorce the minute she got a "conviction"! At anytime while she was incarcerated he could have gotten a divorce. Since he wanted to wait till she was released.....he could have waited and then filed and would be granted a divorce immediately! He would not have to wait on the normal divorce process like everyone else....he can get a divorce immediately!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): He might be keeping things quite with her in case he needs a drug connection.
It doesn't sound like he will seek a divorce anytime soon.
Actually, I think he could have filed either when she was thrown in jail, or when 6 months came up and received a divorce from the courts.
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