A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend has recently moved in with me and we're having a hard time deciding how much is an appropriate amount to pay in rent each month. We live in the house that I already own. I make about $17,000 more per year than he does and about $4,000 of his pay per year comes from overtime which can fluctuate. The total household bills are $1355 per month. How much is a fair amount? I think that $474 or 35% of the monthly bills is fair since if he were to move out I wouldn't be giving him any of his rent back plus the fact that I make more than him. He now pays $370 and is willing to go to $420 but I still feel taken advantage of. HELP
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): All this should most definitely be discussed in full around a table way before either person commits to living together.
These issues are major pointers as to how well you will discuss and resolve issues/differences in the future, and if you don't find all this out before living together, it's likely to be a bumpy ride.
I realize it's vital that two people split living expenses, but you do sound a tad more interested in finances, that what your boyfriend contributes as a complete package, it's just about money. I note, you say if he were to move out, he wouldn't get any of his rent back. Again this strikes me, that you want all the benefit of what living together can bring, but ensure you remain as stable and without losing anything financially if he moves out.
You own the home, where he's moving into, you own more than him, and although 35% of the share may be reasonable and fair, but does that permit him to save some money, in the event of your relationship not working, is this 35% more than the total he spends now, or could it be?
I ask this, as live-in relationships, unlike marriage, where one commits to sharing whatever both people have, as they are committed to each other. I can see from your relationship, your boyfriend could not only end up losing a relationship, a home he's become accustomed to as he has paid towards it upkeep, but you end up with the home 100% and everything else he has contributed to over the time you've lived together. With him having to start all over.
This is exactly why I'm against anyone moving in together before they have raised and looked into the very real and practical issues. Generally, it's the female who usually ends up in this position, which is not secure, especially if male or female do not have the opportunity career wise to improve much on their earning capacity.
You either love each other or not, percentages don't come in to it, you share, give 100% to the relationship, work together, and if one earns less, so what, that is the person you chose to fall in love with.
A
female
reader, sammi star  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Why on earth didn't you have this discussion before he moved in??
If he can't pay 50% then yes, he should pay 35% if that's what you've worked out as fair and affordable to him. What did he pay when he was living by himself? Remind him it will probably still work out less than he was paying then. If the monthly bills you've worked out doesn't include the cost of essentials such as groceries then suggest he pay for those aswell if he's not prepared to stump up the full 35%.
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