A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am a 30 year old woman and i am extremely scared of marriage and commitment. the guy i am committed to is extremely nice and everything i could have wished for, give or take a few annoying habits, but that's not the point. he has been hinting at marriage but i am extremely scared to get into any sort of commitment. i am scared of being pregnant mainly coz of the additional responsibilities and the fear of being tied down. i have been fiercely independent all my life, and am scared of the responsibilities that a marriage entails. is this normal? am i the only one who feels this way? any suggestion or advise is welcome Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): I am 30 and have the same fears; I fear that if I were to have children, that my life in would no longer be my own. I fear that if I were to be married, my friends would no longer see me as an indvidual, that I would be subsumed in a "We." Perhaps this makes me selfish, but I am so accustomed to taking care of myself; and even that seems like such a huge task at times.
I have no particular desire to get married, I have no particular desire to have children, but I don't have a commited partner whose desires I have to address.
If I were you, just tell him why it makes you anxious. Guys feel like this all the time and he should have the imagination to empathize. Stress that it's not your commitment to him that keeps you marriage, it's just the way you have come to know yourself over the past 30 years. Be honest and don't make false excuses. At least you take commitment seriously.
As far as children go, 35 is the limit at which it starts becoming difficult to conceive...you probably already know that. You can afford to put it off if the idea doesn't appeal to you at the moment. Being uncertain is better than being resentful of your husband and small children. Best of luck to you both.
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