A
female
age
,
*abygirl63
writes:Have been involved with a man now for a little over 5 yrs and care for this man very much.I recently asked him if he was happy with what we have and he said that he was.I then went on to say if you're happy, comfortable, and getting your needs met why was he still having a problem taking our involvment to the next level. His response to that one was that he was STUPID.What in the world does that mean? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (11 March 2010):
 He was stupid in a sense but he is a smart Alex.
Why would he go up another level when he has got everything he wants.
He pretends not to know what you want .If you lead a buffalo to graze on your land , he is smart not to let you put a yoke on his neck.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (10 March 2010):
 O. K.
I can see you need a translation here. In this case you have to take all the context into consideration. You set him up with question 1 then smacked him in the face with question 2. After walking into that trap he responded by parroting back what you just communicated to him. So to translate the conversation into guy language:
You: Are you happy?
Him: Yes, I love you, I like the way things are now.
You: Then why are you so stupid, not to see that I want a change?
Him: Yep I'm stupid, I like the way things are now. Besides, I don't like any change. I see now that it is inevitable, so I better get used to it.
Currently, in our society less and less is expected of men. It is almost a universal assumption that if the guy is doing something that women don't understand, it is because he is "stupid". If you watch old movies you will see this same attitude expressed from the other side. Guys are now learning to use this assumption as a defense. The real fact is that men and women are different, not better or smarter, just different. Because of fundamental differences in the way we think, there is often confusion.
I know you didn't intend to tell him he was stupid. You thought about your questions for some time before you asked him. He probably needs some time to think about what his answer should be. He sounds a bit embarrassed. 5 years ago he would have said "It's a guy thing, you wouldn't understand." 15 years ago he would have said "I'll take that into consideration." 30 years ago he would have said, "don't you worry your pretty little head about that."
What to do next. The conversation is hanging. It needs to be finished, because obviously, this is very important to you. So, you need to ask for a re-do. If you feel there was a conflict (he used a sharp voice etc.) start with an apology and state that you are still confused. If you think he was more embarrassed, start by building him up. For example:
I'm sorry I hit you with that question when you weren't ready for it, but I need to understand more about . . . .
I know you are a smart man, and I really love you. I am hoping that you will be willing to talk to me some more about . . . . .
I'm assuming that he is about your age. If he is much younger there is more to consider.
FA
...............................
A
male
reader, Kenj  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 I agree with "Aunty BimBim" he knows he wants more but doesnt want to go for it for whatever reason.
...............................
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (10 March 2010):
 It means when you are getting the milk for free why buy the cow. He's happy just the way things are and doesn't want to change anything.
...............................
A
female
reader, babygirl63 +, writes (10 March 2010):
babygirl63 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen you say he knows of the benefits of furthering the relationship and then you say he doesn't want to are you saying that he isn't ready to make such a serious move or could it be that I'm not the one to move forward with?
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 March 2010):
 It means he can see the benefits of taking the relationship further but that he doesnt want to.
...............................
|
