A
male
age
41-50,
*ittleGuy
writes:Dear Cupid,I find myself in quite the dilemma of the heartaching kind as i write this. Here's the back story...I fell in love with a girl and she with me. she's everything i ever wanted and much more. we connected right away in every way imaginable and within a few weeks it felt as though we had been together forever. We saw eachother 4 or 5 times a week despite living in different cities and we talked about everything. This is a girl who never talks about personal issues and i'm the same so to be able to open up to someone and not be judged was amazing. and knowing she was comfortable with me in the same way was even better.Then events occurred that caused issues somewhat. a close family member of hers passed away and a month later one of mine did as well. it was a really hard time for both of us and shortly after she began closing up again. she had a hard time dealing with it and instead of talking about it she instead began occupying most of her time with extra jobs and going back to school. Our love life took a hit and she would hardly even kiss me anymore. I've never put an emphasis on physical activity so this really didn't bother me that much and i told her that on numerous occasions.After 14 of the greatest months of my life she told me she needed some time to herself to finally deal with the issues over losing a loved one and that there's a really good chance we'd get back together once she got better. Being the understanding adult that i am, i told her if it's what she needed to do then she should and i still love her and wanted to help any way i could. The last 3 months since she broke up with me have been hell and i've tried to talk to her about it but she's still closed off and doesn't want to deal with anything. I'm sure it doesn't help that i have been pretty crushed over the whole thing. I haven't resorted to begging because i know that's not what she needs but i have told her it's not been easy for me.I have found out recently that she is now 'dating' a new guy. I think this might just be a way of burying me with all her other issues and i somewhat understand that she doesn't want to add a mopey ex-boyfriend to her pile of things to worry about. but i want her back so bad it kills me.So i come to you seeking advice. I know the best way to attract her attention again is to show her i'm ok and though it still is sad i'm above it. but what if i can't? what if my sadness has pushed her right to the arms of this new guy? how can i pry her away from him again?! Please help.
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broke up, crush, fell in love, get back together Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (2 October 2007):
I suggest you workout more and attend comedy movies.
A
female
reader, kikicupid  +, writes (2 October 2007):
 Hi there, this must be so hard for you, i am sorry you have to go through this. You clearly have a strong connection with this girl and you deeply care for her. She seems to care for you too, yet some events, as you say, can be overwhelming and can create distance. It seems like you were still there for her even when she needed space, which will hopefully stay in her mind.
How did you hear she is seeing someone?Are you sure you have the right source?Either way if she is seeing someone, perhaps its to be with someone who hasnt been there through her loss, and who wont make her talk about it. Sometimes you want to be with someone who doesnt know your worries or your past...like they say, talking to a stranger can be easier than to someone you care about, or who knows your past. I know a lot of people completely push others away because they want to start fresh, yet that person has a hold on their past.
I think it could be a good idea to email her telling her how you feel. You could tell her you are ok, and you're still here and that you WANT to be with her and that you CAN be there for her, when she needs you.
Unfortunately, she might still need that space and there is not much you can do about it. But telling her how you feel will help you get past a few things.
Good luck, i really hope it works out for you xxx
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