A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've recently fallen in love with one of my guy friends who has been in love with me for 8 years but I never felt the same until now. I don't know for sure if he's a virgin or not, he's very good at somethings but feels a little "shy" in others. I'm not a virgin but I'm not like really experienced either, so on one hand I like that he's a little experienced but on the other he's been in love with me since he was 14 and it kind of hurts to think I wouldn't be his first. I'd just like some advice on how to feel about the situation? Obviously I can't change it and he's had a few short relationships in those 8 years, but he says he's always known we'd end up together - so shouldn't I be his first? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2018): I like the phrase 'more mystery, less history'. Unless he has an STD, his past sex life shouldn't really matter to you. If you don't ask, you won't have a problem with his answer!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 March 2018):
 Grow up!
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (5 March 2018):
 So, you took EIGHT LONG YEARS to fall for him, but he's supposed to have waited all that time on the OFF CHANCE you'd finally date him?
I get that it seems more romantic that way, but you didn't wait for him and it's unrealistic to hope he has.
In the nicest possible way, you need to get over yourself. You may be a great person, but you will sabotage this if you don't stop. He's probably put you on a pedestal, after all of these years, so you won't live up to it and you having these feelings hurt will not do either of you any good.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 March 2018):
 I dont see why youd think you own him just because hes been in love with you all these years. As you said, he has had relationships before, so he obviously has been able to find others interesting also. Why should he not have had sex with them? No, I dont see why he should have remained a virgin for you, when you for so many years showed no interest.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (5 March 2018):
 What are you even asking here?
If there's a way to go back in time for him to erase his sexual history so that YOU, the Queen of the universe can be his one and only sexual encounter?
Get over yourself. Everyone has a sexual past it doesn't matter if they like someone else at the time.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (5 March 2018):
 Seriously? You expected him to wait 8 years in the vague hope you would one day give him a chance and abstain from all contact with other females in the meantime?
I would strongly suggest you do not ask whether you are his first. If he volunteers the information, then fine, but you have no right to ask or judge him. And as long as you don't know, it can be a bit of a "Schrödinger's cat" situation. As long as you don't actually know, it can be either.
I suspect the shyness you speak of is probably more to do with him finally being with his dream woman and putting pressure on himself to get it right, rather than anything else.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2018): You've got to be kidding! You ask how you should feel about this situation? Selfish and immature--that's how you should feel. It's okay that you're not a virgin but he should have remained chaste for you? That's called a double standard.
You have no rightful expectation that he should have saved himself for you just because he thought someday you'd end up together. Grow up and let it go or let him go. Don't prolong this new relationship if you can't get over your unjustified feelings of hurt. Let him find someone who will accept him for who he is. He deserves that much.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (5 March 2018):
 Good grief!
Was he supposed to just sit and wait, wishin’ and hoping, thinking and prayin’ For eight years while you had a little flirt here and a bit of sex there?
Quite frankly I would be more concerned if he HADN’T had some dalliances here and there over the past 8 years because that would be wierd and suggested of somebody with some serious issues.
If you can’t accept not being his first then end it now, otherwise you will just secretly seethe and let it fester, and we all know what happens when something festers don’t we ..... so don’t go there!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2018): Are you being serious? You've made this guy wait eight years pining for you, and now you worry that you're not his first.
Well, if you're not his first; will you suddenly no longer care for him? I don't think your feelings are real. Maybe you just like stringing him along; because you like the idea of some guy being crazy about you.
I think you've been yanking this poor guy's chain for far too long. If you're messing him over, I surely hope someone really sweet comes along and takes him before you hurt him.
Why do you have to be his first? He's not your first! You brushed him off and played around with his heart; and now you've found a reason to mess with his head.
Grow-up or let the poor guy go! Neither of you are kids anymore. He's going to get tired of your childish games!
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