A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi thereI am in a fairly new relationship, its been two months now. I am happy a bit, because I feel like I cannot ask more from a r/ship at this stage. My current boyfriend is a very busy person. He is forever at work or outside the city, because of the job he does.I do not know if its usual to feel this way about him. I am in love with him, so far. He always assures me and he will say it all the time i am with him.The problem is that I have trust issues with him. Sometimes I would feel like he is not telling me the whole truth. I am always curious to snoop on his phone but he is very careful about it and he told me that he doesnt like it when people dont believe what he says....He always claims that he is not seeing anybody else, but I cannot stop thinking that he does have someone, even if it means maybe he is trying to get out of a certain previous r/ship.....Last week I had a talk with him, I actually found myself throwing tantrums, because he was also a bit cold towards me, I had a feeling that he was becoming too distant. We have not been spending time for two weeks, he was away and when he got back he got a stomach bug.... but we kept a regular contact until when he came back that i forced him to spend time with me..... I was feeling like the distance is too great and it can easily drive us apart.....He has got a house, and he stays alone. I usually visit, but the last time I visited I found a pair of ladies shoes in another room, with the letters from the post addressed to a certain woman. Well I confronted him and he told me that, the woman used to stay there.... and she left those things when he was there. He got angry because he said I am not trusting him. I asked him if we can maybe breakup a bit so that he sorts himself out.. i wouldnt want to be a comfort blanket waiting on him to find his ground while he is still with someone else....He begged me the following morning and asked me if I can give him a chance.... we cannot breakup for petty things especially something that I cannot really prove... but the shoes were enough proof... ok i give him another chance but it will take forever for me to fall for him coz i cannot just relax...The truth is I really do not trust him.... Its funny now that I record everything he says and when the story changes I always say that it was not like that the previous time.....Yesterday he shared with me that he really is not seeing anyone else and I should take his word. I like him, but i feel like the trust issues is taking it long for me to drop my guard and just be in love with him...Our relationship has now become open and I express any thing that is disturbing but I am even scared to tell my friends with a fear that they will say that he is a jerk or something.... but I find this really strange.... can he be assuring me if he had something going on...... Yesterday I requested that he lets me meet at least one of his friends and he did just that and I met them, even though not formally introduced but i was fine with it.... Our r/ship is still between the two of us... he met at least two people I know...The chemistry is good and we chat and laugh when we are together... but....What if he is in a steady relationship or married somewhere.... He calls me every night (day) and he shard with me that his other friend told him that he really is different, in his own way. When he was telling him that when he dates, women will always be suspicious that he is seeing someone else...He said that he has always been accused of the same thing by his past girlfriends.....please give me some logic here
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female
reader, hannah82  +, writes (7 May 2007):
 hey hun,
sorry to hear things are not going to well.
Trust is the key to a good relationship, if you dont trust him you probably shouldnt be with him. Listen to your own instincts not what others tell you. after all who knows how you feel more than you do! I cant say yes he is cheating on you or no he isnt as i dont know the guy but what you have said does sound very suspicious. follow your head and not your heart it should lead you to the answer you are looking for.
I wish you all the best xxxxxxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): Listen. You choose this man for reasons your concious self may not register.
Tantrums? Cold?
You sound like you may have attachment/abandonment issues that stem from childhood neglect or abuse.
Was Mom or Dad cold, distant, aloof, not present? Gone on business and hardly home? Any of these would be abandonment and surprise, surprise you choose a partner you KNEW worked out of town to re-inact your childhood to re-create your home life so that you can acheive a different outcome where BF will smarten up, realize he loves you and choose you.
Please get some individual counselling as your past needs to be addressed in a healthier, nurturing, caring, safe environment with someone who is educated and can teach you new life skills of coping and dealing with your childhood.
The relationship you are in has you feeling insecure, unloved, not safe and thus the tantrums. That he is cold and does not offer you reassurance, comfort steps up your panick and this dynmic will have you feeling like you are losing your mind and I worry about you Love.
It is an emotionally abusive relationship and these hardly stay emotional-this will sprial out of control to physcial.
If you are throwing objects in tantrums or wanting to hurt yourself...you are in need of counselling.
Sweetie please seek counselling for yourself and get some couples' as well. If the BF is not wanting to get counselling then end it. All you will do is get stronger and wiser and he will do his best to prevent this by pushing your abandonment/attachment buttons.
Take care.
*hugs*
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A
female
reader, crystlay +, writes (7 May 2007):
This is a tough position to be in. I think you should try and trust him as much as you can, because it wont work out if you dont. He obviously cares alot about you and wants to be with you, so my advice is enjoy it and make the most of it. Trust him and have faith in what he says to you, otherwise the relationship will just fall apart.
Good Luck
xxxx
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