A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Married my LDR husband after 9mths and a baby 5mths later. I will have to say things happened so fast that I failed to realize we will have to put in work to spice up our sex life.Our current situation is not allowing us to step it up. He just moved down here with me. Just got a work permit so looking for a job while taking IT certification course. I'm with the baby all the important unless the one day I go to work. We have no babysitters or family around to watch our baby and since I'm the only one working now we can't afford a nanny.I feel like I've lost that sexual feeling for hubby. He doesn't say those things I like to hear yet I get hit on at work and feel wet from a mere compliment. He ducks in the romance department too. No flowers poems flirty texts etc.Before marriage all I needed was a hot tongue breath on my nipple and I'm ready to go super wet and wild so he has never had to work on oral sex or foreplay. Now I feel I need more foreplay, gentle kisses, cuddling to blow my head off. I'm sure he wants the same too. But I need motivation. If my man talks about his ex and good their sex was for 2yrs, I feel insecured. Also the fact that I know he's attracted to younger women doesn't help either. All my exes have always given me the attention I needed but my husband doesn't even know how to caress me to turn me on.I fear to communicate because he is the kind that will take it the wrong way.Are we heading towards a marriage failure because we just don't know how to love one another or is it because we rushed too fast and all of life challenges is clouding our feelings to take time out for each other?
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at work, flirt, flowers, foreplay, his ex, insecure, my ex, oral sex, sex life, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (24 June 2016):
Your husband is attracted to younger women. Inconvenient, but normal. You were more turned on by your bad boy ex's than your husband. Also inconvenient, but normal.
Unfortunately, unless both of you working on this with great effort, I dont see it working out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I'll get in those sexy panties tomorrow and tell you the result :)
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (24 June 2016):
Excuse me??!!! What is there to be chased??? Really???
Are you telling me you are not worthy of being chased??
Are you Telling me you are no longer sexy, and a rock your world woman?? That you do not need to be chased???
Are you dead???
My dear...Sexy never came in a book...and even if it did, some woman had to master it. Come one...What do men want?? You know this??
We are extremely simple... You have it...and we want it. So..??
I do not believe you are a simple woman. A woman like a banana, that can be peeled and eaten just like that...Nope... You need us to chase you as much as you want to be chased.
So...what do you have to offer your man?? A Testament...It's too hard...I don't know what to do...BLAH BLAH BLAH. :)
Men are simple...TRUST ME!!! We love boobs, panties, bras, and a woman who wants us to want them :)
YES.. we are that simple...Overthinking a man is like thinking a spider is a dinosaur.
Just try. :)))
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBrownwolf i get your point. But its true that there is no chase after marriage. Mine is a testament. What's there to chase when it's readily available. It just sucks. Why should i be asking to be chased. If I don't feel wanted how will i respond. I think it's harder than you stated. It's a real testimony that people have to act, pretend and fake certain things for marriage to work. And that's what they call wisdom.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (23 June 2016):
"I fear to communicate because he is the kind that will take it the wrong way."
This statement you made above has destroyed many relationships.
Men or women are NOT mind readers. We do not know what you want unless you tell us. If you are too afraid to say so, and your body language shows you are annoyed...what do you thing we are go to do??? We will leave you alone. As far as he SEES...you don't want him touching you, so he won't.
You some how expects him to pick up on how you feel and react accordingly...NOPE...Men have a way of not going where they are not invited. If you don't show him "come get some"...he will not. We chase after women who want to be chased. Don't give us a reason to chase you, and we chase someone else. It's not a cold statement, it's a fact. Same as you...You are drawn to the compliments at work...we are drawn to women who make us chase them.
Men don't just go to strip clubs because of the naked women...please. Those women know how to flirt, and use their womanly skills to draw them in. To make them want to chase. She leave the men with hope...hope for a ready good time, if he empties his wallet.
Same thing you must do...leave him with hope all day, for an awesome time later :))) This goes both ways :) The more he wants to chase you, the confident you will become.
Do you know the main reason why men look at younger women??? We are not just being perverts or looking for a younger woman...NOPE...Younger women are MORE ready to have sex, and willing to try new things...We know this. They know how to tease, and flirt, and most of all...How to make us chase them. So while you are thinking how horny you are and not getting any, and he wants younger women...you BOTH are actually looking for the same thing, just not talking about it.
So...if he is between your legs...how is that taking things the wrong way???
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (23 June 2016):
 Rushed *way* too fast. You were strangers in a honeymoon period who got married and had a baby. Forget sex, for a minute; you barely know each other. You skipped the dating stage for marriage and parenting. You don't even know if you have the same ideas on parenting.Anyway, I think you shouldn't act like a married couple; you should go back to dating. You don't have to get a divorce get, but do it all over. Start fresh and forget that you're already husband and wife. You're currently showing signs of not being compatible for a long term relationship, let alone marriage, so you need to go back to step one and both put the effort in to get to know each other properly.This isn't just about sex; you've jumped into marriage with someone you're likely to have broken up with by now, if it weren't for the baby. This isn't a judgement, just a fact, as there's little point wasting time with someone you're barely compatible with when there are plenty of people who are a better match - that, however, is changed because you have a baby.I think you need to put sex on the back burner for a while (and always, always, always use protection!) and focus on taking it slow to build a foundation together, rather than pretending there isn't a big gap and falling in it later.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (22 June 2016):
 It does sound like you both did rush in to marriage, but that does not mean it will fail. You both need to work on your love life for it to work. Introduce new things, if you don't want to tell him what you need, then buy a book, or new underwear, light some candles and gently show him what you would like, or suggest new things that you can both try on each other.
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