A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Basically, I'm in that type of situation where we start off as best friends and eventually got to where my friend and I have got to now, in danger of losing our friendship completely.My bestfriend and I have been friends for about five years now. We love to spend time with eachother, tell eachother anything and everything, spend most of the day within communication of eachother; pretty much the works of a male/female type of friendship. Probably up until our second year of college I expressed how I was feeling toward her at the time. Now, being the idiot that I am, always have bad timing. She was already involved with someone, and something happened between her and that individual that pretty much drove me up the wall, solely because of how I felt for her. I told her that I really couldn't stand to see her with someone else. So I backed off for a while, she saw it as me "friend-breaking up with her". Funny but it actually made sense. I did this to try to get over her. Dated other girls, etc, but I couldn't really get 100% over her.Fast forward a year, she gets into contact with me because she misses me, of course I miss her too, but because of my pride and how I felt (and still felt after we started talking again). Since then we've hung out, talked to each other, and pretty much gotten back on track with our friendship. Probably a month into talking to her again I let her know that I still feel somewhat the same way toward her, and again, shes involved with someone else. Great timing, right? Anyways, she lets me know that she has had the same feelings and that I never did anything prior to the "friendship-break up" to let her know (before she got with someone). Numerous times have I tried to just leave this friendship and within days we reconcile and settle differences.Then it starts to get a little "warm". A while after she told me she had the same feelings for me (mind you shes still with some other guy) we actually start to get a little more "involved". Basically she cheats on the other dude with me and for about two months shes on and off about the whole idea of us being together and not wanting to "RUIN OUR FRIENDSHIP". Every time she would say that I'd just sit there confused because I thought to myself how would anything get ruined? We both feel the same way, we know each other, etc etc. Then her and her bf finally split. Great. At this point I feel like with him out of the picture I can finally see things brighten up. Well, I was some what right, but not to its full extent. I did think to myself I did not want to be her rebound and I even told her that. She assured me that I was because she had feelings with me way before she split with him. So, for like a week things were going great. Until she finally rains on the parade and says she still has feelings for him and blah blah, another excuse to not be with me maybe?See, what gets to me is that the other dude has had conversations with her that truly shows me how she feels about me. For example, he's told her that he loved her, but she couldn't say it back because she didn't feel that way about him. Then he would mention me (he knows about my relationship with her, friendship wise) about how she cares more for me then him. She would stay quiet, and this would of course upset him because it was apparent she had stronger feelings for me than for her own boyfriend.And then she said it. After one of my futile attempts to back out, she tells me that she loves me. That she can't be without me. That I make her complete and that I'm worth more to her than anyone else (besides her family). Too good to be true? Yes indeed. Even though she has these feelings for me, she tells me shes not ready for what I have for her, as if I'm telling her to sign a four year contract or something.. I guess I'm too serious or mature, but the point was that shes not ready to be tied down just yet.. Eventually I start to finally realize that it just may never work out. Our friendship was doomed once we both had feelings for each other and that I risked something great. I eventually catch wind that shes talking to her ex-bf again and starts seeing him again, which was my cue to head out. I feel like this relationship turned toxic once we went through that phase. Fast forward to present day, about a week ago I told her that I just needed time. Time to move on, space from her, and just reiterated everything I told her a little over a year ago. Of course she was heart broken, cried, etc, but I told myself as much as I don't want to do this I am not happy if continue to be her "best friend". A few days after she texts me letting me know that she missed me. I didn't text her back.So as of now I feel like she thinks I still want to be in any type of relationship with her, be it just friends or more. But what I really want is for her to move on and be happy, without my obtrusive friendship, and as much as she doesn't want that because she needs me in her life, I need it. What do I do?PS- For those of you willing to read my life story, thank you for your patience. I'm sure others are going through the same thing and will learn from my mistakes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThats the thing, she wants to but she has issues with letting the other guy go. Shes had issues with this in the past (I was there to help her cope, go figure) and now I'm just getting a front row seat of the type of issue she really has. At one point a few weeks ago I told her I had a new "friend", she got the hint of what kind of friend it was and got jealous. Very jealous. So its like those kinds of reactions and emotions she has towards me that frustrates me because she feels one way but does something completely different.
A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (3 November 2008):
 I don't personaly think that what you did is a mistake however that is subjective. It seems obvious that she loves you and you deep down want to be with her. Forget about the friendship try and get into a relationship, she likes you so much that she is scared she is going to lose you or mess everything up. keep on pushing and talk to her about the way you feel. Good luck!.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): it seems like youve made up your mind ... if you truly feel you no longer need her in your life for your benefit, then you need to tell her.
it looks like youve been honest with her from the start, so dont stop now ... but really really think about it.
your friendship has seemed to survive just about anything, prehaps it could survive this as well ... but only if you want it to :).
some people you feel that you will never get over them but the feelings get less and less strong with time ... if you want her to move on and be happy without you then give her an example.
you move on and be happy without her.
good luck x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI need to make a few corrections;
- the part about the pride, it wouldn't let myself come into contact with her unless she did first
- she assured me I was *NOT a rebound.
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