A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am at the apex of my career. I have a wife who loves me and three great kids. Everyone sees a picture that is so far from what I feel inside. I feel increasing disconnected from everyone and everything. I have no one whom I can ask for help, or even honestly share my feelings, without judgement, anger, disappointment. My wife and kids expect me to be the strong head of the household. My parents are old and need me to act as a parent to them now - not to be saddled with my emotions. Male friends are just as they always have been - not interested in another guy expressing his feelings. Even though I am surrounded by family, successful at work, have friends we socialize with as a couple, well adjusted kids - I feel so very alone and isolated. Sorry if this is the wrong forum, but I am just reaching out. Hoping to feel some reassurance or connection or Bridge from my isolation. Do any of you understand or feel the same? Is there any way to help, or do I just need to suck it up, stop wallowing in emotion, etc...
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 July 2016):
 You are not alone, a lot of people go through what you are feeling, the sad thing is a lot of men don't know how to express there feelings because they have been brought up being told they should be the strong ones, men cannot cry or show emotion. But believe me the strongest of men are the ones who do show there emotions and ask for help.
If you don't feel you can talk to your family, then book an appointment to see your doctor, tell him how you have been feeling and he will tell you your options, remember you are never alone in this world, there is always help out there, so please look after your mental health.
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (25 July 2016):
 I can tell you emphatically that you are not alone. I have had male friends who are willing to talk about this stuff, but it seems like it has to happen spontaneously. Even today lots of guys still equate "man" and "caveman" -- it really seems like you have to live an awful lot of life before you realize that having these issues doesn't make you less of a man.
What male anon said sound like good suggestions. For me, I'm afraid all I can offer is empathy, because I haven't found any answers yet.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 July 2016):
 I think finding a therapist might be good for you. That way you can LEARN how to share your feeling. I don't think that is something you are super great at (no offense many men aren't because they are raised to NOT share and not show these kind of feelings).
Where you are at, I think is normal for EVERYONE to hit that spot. Women will talk about their feeling, vent, analyze and so forth and sometimes deal with it, sometimes not.
I think you might be presuming what your wife thinks. But I can see why the subject hasn't been out there, if you think she doesn't WANT to hear it. Though I think as a spouse it's part of the "job" in a marriage to LISTEN to your partner when/if they need to vent.
I agree with male anon, that there IS a shift in the level of testosterone in your 40's, and when life becomes a series of "groundhog day" episodes who wouldn't feel like "IS this really it?" - and I also agree that IF therapy isn't for you, time to make time for exercise, hobbies and finding outlets that gives you a chance to bond MORE with your kids and spouse. Exercise will help with serotonin levels, maintain the muscle-mass and over all make you feel and look better.
I bet you, 8 out of 10 of your male friends feel the same way, some might be in denial, but this is not uncommon at all.
If you DO not go the therapist route, I hope you sit your wife down and let her in. She might WANT you to be the strong man, but I think she will want to know that you are not some automaton. She might also have issues she doesn't talk to others about, because she doesn't want that "perfect life" facade to be tarnished.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2016): Believe me this is more common than you think.It is caused by the monotony of long term marriage where sex with the same partner has become more or less a household chore, coupled with the responsibility of kids and family,approach of male menopause, the hormons in you body going haywire.All these cause the symptoms you have mentioned. I really don't think going to a doctor can make much differance as any drug he may prescribe may make you feel lethargic all day. I think exercising,dieting, occupying your free time with a hobby such as learning music, gardening going out for a walk,taking the dog for a walk,any thing you find benificial to releave stress,reading or starting a new business are all good ways to liven your life to help pass this critical period. It just needs time and patiance.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (23 July 2016):
 It sounds like expressing feelings is not encouraged in the family. It's all about success and how you look on the outside. This is a common thing in wealthy families. There is nothing wrong with feeling lost and alone. It's not like you are going to suddenly quit your job and become a hermit. You are allowed to feel what you feel and still be a head in the household. You may be surprised to feel that your kids feel the same way as well. They may suspect that you only love them for their success and that no one really understands them. If you feel uncomfortable talking to your wife because you are supposed to be a "man," start with your kids first.
Your kids may be teenagers and it's hard to get them to open up to you. Expressing feelings can seem like a daunting task. It can be a heavy thing when you are the first one to do it. You can invite them out to the mall, in a casual setting, and just vent about life in little doses. I believe you are isolated because you are molded into a role in the family and you are pressured to act strong. Maybe that pressure is self imposed. To bridge your isolation, you go to the source, your family.
How does your family expect you to be the household? Do they shrug away, change the topic whenever you start talking about how stressed out you are, and yet you say your wife is loving? Does she not want to get involved with your parents? As the head of the family, you should have control over conversation topics at dinner time. Maybe your wife can sense your stress, or maybe she's one who assumes that nothing's wrong until someone talks about it. If your wife has no complaints, she's happy indeed. Or maybe she has been waiting for a long time for you to express your feelings.
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A
female
reader, suzzzque269 +, writes (23 July 2016):
 im thinking you would benefit from talking to a dr or a mental health counselor...this would be kept confidential. this is nothing to feel embarrassed about...life gets overwhelming/stressful to a lot of successful people. if you dont have proper insurance coverage your family doctor should have other options for you to look into.
another option-which isnt mainstream-is to find an anonymous person in chats on the computer and just talk. i find just talking about why im stresses is theraputic. also journaling might help.
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