A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm so confused. 8 days ago I had an argument with an ex-friend.His responses didn't make sense. I would ask a question to which his response would be totally off subject. One example was where I asked a qestion and he turned round and said forget it I've know this friends years blah blah. Basically he was saying I was trying to cause problems between them. Which I wasn't. I don't know the guy and I was only asking why my so called friend had spread rumors about me. After a fall out we hadn't spoken properly for 10 months. We'd seen each other once and everything was fine. I left afew comments on afew photos and he replied jokingly, absolutely fine. We both have the app "snapchat" and I used to get some off him, however these came to a suddenly halt, im unsure why but I am aware that arond the same time his gf got the app. Everything you say he gets so defensive. Its like if he upsets someone and they have ago because hes in the wrong and they're standing up for themselves, he then turns it round on them and says how he can't be doing with them. He wont feel bad for what hes done, won't own up or anything.He was so nasty and all I could think was you sound just like your gf. He threw stupid remarks back at me saying I was a psycho and I was looking for him, all because 2 of my work friends live near her who i reguarly give lifts to and I've passed him he assumes I'm looking for him. One reason he did give for not wanting anything to do with me was that I nag at him, whoch is a mistake I made as I got upset when he started smoking, because he did it around me and it upsets me and makes me ill, im severally asthmatic. He used to be so caring, kind, looking out for others, so laid back and un to be around but now he only wants to do what he wants to do and be who he is (as he put it). Throughout these arguments as strange as it sounds he doesn;t seem to like anyone bringing the past up. Even the good times and he gets defensive. Memories that we shared he seems to throw back in my face and make it out that i can't move on just because I was trying to have a laugh about the old times. He was such a happy guy back then, not s care in the world he didnt follow his friends didnt act like the hes was very very different and seemed so happy, however like I say i know alot of his guy mates took the mik. Which he also denys even though I;ve seen it in person.I know he sounds like the worlds biggest idiot. But all this came from no where, he suddenly started to change not to long ago. He had a bad time, hurt me in the process however we made up and on my behalf it was all in the past and he was deeply hurt about his actions but I let it go it wasn't worth ruining our friendship. I say that because whenever we did argue he would bring it up again turning it round asif I couldn't get over things, when infact it looks more like he can't. Shortly after he got hurt by a girl. Now he used to be really sensible and he was never "a bady boy" but shortly after that he changed and started acting like his mates. I honestly think it is because of his mates and because when he was a nice respectable boy, a good boy at that his mates took the mik. I;ve seen him change around them to fit in and he's admitted hes done it in the past afew hes regretted it however now he denys it all and says thats not what he does.Thats when it all started. And I'm deeply confused. Sadly We fell out about 9 months ago which was entirely my fault as I saw his gf flirt with soeone over fb and told him. She also never liked me and him being friends but never out rightly said it, however because of me being too honest and caring for my own good I opened the door for her to influence him to cut me out his life.The werid thing was is that after he kept telling me to cut me out his life and being nasty I said all I ever wanted was for us to be friends and move on and he said lets be friends then and he will meet me when time has passed as its too soon.I'm fully aware i deserve better but I can't help but care and wonder why. I wish I could try and make things better but I can't as I am partly at fault for the final fallout. I really want to move on but I actually can't because I need to understand things before I can lay them to rest as I'm blaming myself and constantly wondering where my lovely friend went. Please help me understand this I need your opinons as to how hes changed and if he does contact me to catch up how do I react if he starts again. He needs bringing back down to earth.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): There comes a time when a friendship runs its course, and people have to step away from each other.
If you can't agree on anything; you part ways, and let things remain as they are.
End all contact with him and avoid hanging out at the same time. In fact, you should avoid him altogether.
This is for the sake of keeping the peace. You'll start your sentimental stuff, and he'll get annoyed with you. To put it simply, he just doesn't like you anymore.
That's what gets you.
Sometimes all you can do is be the bigger person, say you're sorry, and move on.
If he doesn't want your apology; then just leave him alone. What's the point of just pissing him off every-time you go near him. The more you bother him the angrier he gets.
The friendship is done. You're better off to just back off; or keep pissing him off. Don't corner people into talking about something when they refuse to. You'll start a fight.
If it's over; the if's, why's, and but's don't matter.
Why he changed is his problem to worry about. Not yours. Maybe he'll explain one day. You've already tried to discuss the problem, and claimed he doesn't make any sense. That also makes him angry. Maybe everyone is too angry to make any sense right now.
Just back off. Let everyone cool off.
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