A
female
age
30-35,
*razyxreality
writes:Me and my boyfriend are real happy together most of the times but ever since he’s gotten off probation he’s been a whole different person. We’ve been going out for a year and the whole time we have been going out he’s been on probation for a crime he didn’t commit. At the beginning of our relationship I had cheated on him and told him. And after some time he accepted it and stayed with me. I was going through a lot.. My mother was in the hospital and she was very ill. I’m only 16 and my mother is all I have. During that time he stuck by me. Even when I would get real angry and hit him( but he wouldn’t hit me back) or start ridiculous fights and id try to kick him out but he never left he stayed with me. We were inseparable and we were positive that one day we would get married.So a few months ago he got off probation.. And an anger I had never seen started coming out of him. He would argue and physically fight with anyone. Me being the one always around I got it the worst. He would get angry with me about little things. And he would say real hurtful things but later on after we got to talking he would apologize and tell me never listen to what he says when he’s mad. Other times we would get into fight about any little thing and he would try to physically put me out the house and state that I made him like this because of the way I used to treat him. Again, after talking it through… he would apologize. Last month we had gotten into an argument that ended up him punching me and choking me. I just kept looking at him. And he no longer seemed like the man I loved. He seemed evil. He did try to apologize and tell me that he hardly remembers any of it and that he blacks out. He does have a lot going on in his life at the moment that would cause someone to be angry but I’m the only one supporting him and I don’t think that gives him the right to take it out on me. The police got involved in out last incident and I ended up getting a restraining order. About a week later I dismissed the restraining order because I missed him so much. And for the past month we’ve been doing great up until last week he explained to me that he didn’t know why I came back and that I deserve better. He also told me that 2 weeks after I took him back he cheated on me because he was confused about some things and he regrets it and that he wants to try to fix us. I was so hurt that I just completely snapped and tried to break everything. I kept threatening him to the point where he called the police so our argument wouldn’t escalate. He told the officer that he put his hands on me… although all he did was restrain me from breaking the flat screen. But I was so angry that I told the officer that he choked when what really happened was that he threw me on the bed put his hand on my neck then just pulled back without applying pressure so id calm down. Now he’s in custody for 60 days because of my false accusation. But im in the process of fixing my mistake… but im not to sure about fixing us… as he was getting arrested he told me that he still loved me. I still miss him and want to be with him… but we are so young and already have so many problems… is it my fault that we are like this? Are my actions in the past to blame for his actions now? I’ve changed my ways about going about arguments but it seems like when I changed for the better he changed for the worst.
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female
reader, dazey  +, writes (18 December 2009):
I don't think you need to cast blame. It is a pointless exercise... I hate blame!!! In my view, blamers spend so much time trying to blame problems on people that they never get round to fixing the problems, once they have someone to blame they are happy. Secondly you should not try to blame yourself for anything here, it is a very complex situation to be in, and it seems like you have a lot at stake.Firstly I am assumning that you are a bit needy. If you're 16 and your mum is all you have as you say, you are in danger of being too trusting of people who make you feel loved and wanted and are in danger of accepting less than you deserve because you are so happy just to have someone around you, no matter what their flaws are.Secondly there is a lot of passion in your relationship with this guy. Passion can be a good thing as it arouses deep and amazing feelings. When you have passion like that the hihghs you feel when you are with your lover can be A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! However when a passinate relationship breaks down while you are still passionate, you end up in a situation like yours.As it is you two are physically attacking each other, wrecking all your stuff and your lies have sent a young man to jail, which is despicable behaviour from you. rectify that situation now, and take whatever the consequences are. You owe that to yourself, not him.Afterwards, I suggest you break things off with this guy, take some space and move on when you're ready. I can't see things getting any better for you. Sorry to be so negative but I would be lying if I gave you any hope.Good luck.
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