A
male
age
36-40,
*ee jong
writes:Hi aunts, a question: whats really is cheating? When someone u are in relationship with chat with her ex but not tell u until u ask when u see received calls in her cellphone
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): Cheating is when you are not being honest regarding feelings and/or behaviors regarding another person you are contacting. Cheating is NOT all about having sex with someone else. If you and your lover have agreed to not be with other people, then THAT also means no secret emails with other people. It means no secret texting, sexting, secret meeting with others, no kissing or touching others. No sexual contact or cybersex or anything sexual with another person. If you find yourself having sexual or crush or love feelings for someone else and you don't tell your lover, then it's cheating because you're deceiving your partner. A relationship is not all about sex. There are emotions involved and certain behaviors that are simply reserved for the person with whom you are with. Once you start behaving that way towards someone else, you are changing things. It is not respectful to the one you are with. It's not right to go around buying gifts and coffee for someone else you are attracted to, or fantasizing about someone else you know while you are having sex with your partner. Cheating is when you violate the relationship terms you have with your partner. If you haven't ever discussed them - then you SHOULD. If you lead your partner to believe there is no one else you are interested in but you secretly are, then it's cheating. Cheating is more about deceit involving another person outside of your relationship. It is not just about having sex behind someone's back.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Usual everyday cheating: Kissing, having sex with someone other than your significant other.
Virtual cheating: having cyber sex with someone other than your significant other.
Emotional cheating: sexting with someone other than your significant other and looking at porn.
Those are forms of cheating. Cheating to me is what I listed first. It doesn't really matter what everyone else considers cheating, it's whatever you consider cheating counts.
With that being said, I wouldn't necessarily jump to conclusions about their conversation. It's possible to have a PG rated conversation with an ex.
More importantly, why are you going thru her phone? The only issue I see is the lack of trust in this relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): Depends what they were talking about I suppose. Also how long is he an ex? How long have you been together etc (I beleive there is a thing called 'emotional cheating').
It may have been nothing untoward but she didn't know how to tell you, or how you would react? Personally, I would rather know the truth that they were talking to an ex, and I would always say if I had been talking to an ex,to a partner (as it would be innocent - I don't cheat) Rule of thumb I use is whatever I do, I try and think how my partner would feel if it were the other way around i.e. if I were thinking of sending flirty messages to someone, how would I feel if I found out my boyfriend was? She didn't lie, just didn't offer the info, maybe so as not to cause an agruement over something that's not worth it?
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 I think you definitely are warranted in asking WHY they are talking to their ex.
To me, cheating would be something like going on a date behind your back, or beyond.
Flirting with someone behind my back would really hurt a lot, too.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): It's cheating if you are keeping it a secret. Be it sleeping with someone else or just going out to lunch with them. If you know your partner would mind something and you hide it from them anyway, then you are betraying them.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Usually cheating involves being sexual with another person. Chatting with an ex isn't usually considered cheating. Not all conversations with an ex are bad news, but you should ask her why she was talking to him before assuming the worst.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Cheating is anything you can't won't or don't tell your partner.
that can be ANYTHING.
for example: one partner has a drug problem and they are trying to get clean. they use one afternoon and don't tell. that's cheating.
my boyfriend says to me "I saw this beautiful woman today and I want to try to get with her" NOT cheating... he told me.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Cheating: kissing/having sex
Crossing the boundaries: up to each couple to decide for themselves
Deceiving: hiding things from your partner, things you do that you want to hide from your partner
Things that need to be hidden should never be done in the first place.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): I wouldn't say that's cheating but it's certainly something to be concerned about. I'd ask your girlfriend why she was talking to her ex and go from there really :)
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