A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of a year is completely different to when I met him.When I was with him first we had sex several times a day, and now we rarely have sex and when we do it's me who inniciates it. I am 20 years old, he is 25... I always thought I was an ok looking girl until recently, when he stopped complimenting me, stares at me as if he's disgusted, doesn't tell me he loves me. etc.He loves to cuddle etc but never wants sex. He used to send me dirty text messages every morning for the first four months but it suddenly stopped. I have talked to him about it and he has dismissed it. It's awkward now when I try to dirty talk or be sexual with him. nothin works. new lingerie, trying it on publicly, etc..... nothing works. Should I just leave him? Everything else is good. he treats me well and he listens... but I just don't think he is interested anymore and I am a very sexual person. I haven't cheated and I'm pretty sure he hasn't cheated either... but the other night he said something strange.. he said he wouldn't let himself get into a situation where he started to flirt with a good looking girl at a bar, because if he got into a situation where a girl he wanted to want him actually wanted him he would definitely cheat. is it only a matter of time? a few too many drinks?He comments on other girls all the time, not really to me but to all his friends. In fact they are going abroad at the weekend, and althouh I trust him I over heard him and his friend talk about how many good looking women there would be and how much fun it will be to perv on them. I don't think he'll act on it but my mind will be racing thinking about it. We live together and I'm thinking about just going back to my mothers for a few days to think about it.... there are a lot of guys who have told me they want me but in every other aspect bar sex my boyfriend is perfect.... He couldn't get an erection for about 2 months before xmas and told me it hurt him so made an apt with doctor, but didn't bother going and it "righted" itself..... I am starting to think it was just that he wasn't attracted to me... we both work, both have our own lives, but i am starting to feel so insignificant now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): look I'm not going to say that if he is not getting it from you then from someone else but you should know that this is not a normal thing!!!
you should talk to him about it and if he doesn't talk this time tell him that he has to clear things up or this is the END...best of luck hun..wish you work it up...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): Sounds like the end to me OP. I hate to say it the way he talks about other girls, not being able to get an erection for 2 months, not making any effort after talking about it, not even making any effort to even consider how you feel.
The honeymoon period is over and you're living together now. This is his settled routine. This the guy he is when he no longer feels to need to impress you. This is basically the life you have to look forward to with him, if in fact he's not gone off you which kind of sounds like he is.
Look all of us suffer dips in form sometimes if you know what I mean. But for you after the initial passion and excitement of someone new went away into a settled long term relationship, it just completely went for him.
Sorry OP but this doesn't sound like he's lost his libido it does actually sound like he's lost his sexual desire for you. If he had lost his libido OP he wouldn't be telling you that he wants to cheat, yes that is what he said. If he had no sex drive then he wouldn't be looking forward to perving those holiday girls.
Put those two together and honestly I think you're screwed. Think of it this way, he basically told you given the opportunity he would definitely cheat, he said that he has to basically work hard to make sure he doesn't out of respect for you, which is nice (not really though). Now you've just heard him say he can't wait to perv on girls while away, so his friends and he will no doubt be having a bit of a laugh with these girls too, basically he will have the opportunity when he goes on holiday and he's already told you given that opportunity he definitely would. 2+2=4.
Go stay with your mother a few days OP, talk things out with her too, talk to friends and get the opinions of people you know. It's like this OP, it actually sounds like he's a really nice guy, upfront and pretty honest about things except for this. Something tells me he's trying to spare your feelings, if he is as nice as you say I'd even think that him not willing to discuss this is because he doesn't want to lie to you and definitely doesn't want to tell you the real reason. But he's hinted at it a number of times.
If I were you I'd start setting about creating the conditions necessary to have a quick and easy exit. Have a plan put together and know what you can do. OP you've been very patient and understanding, 2 months of no erection must have been very difficult for you and now to make matters worse he's just gone off you sexually. You must feel understandably very down. Regardless of how nice he is OP, this is not the kind of situation that is going to work. This is far too important for his good qualities to make it worth hanging around. He will someday get the opportunity to cheat and he said he will act on it if he likes the girl. There is nothing clearer than that in my opinion. He can't get it up for you and has no interest in regular sex with you but he has that kind of interest in other girls.
Take a few days away to gather your thoughts, talk to people but don't let anyone convince you it would be worth staying just because he's nice.
Once you come to a decision as to what you want to do, and what you want then you go talk things out with him.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 May 2011):
 I think he has an erectile dysfunction and he doesn't want to admit it. He's using excuses and cover ups to avoid dealing with the problem. He's afraid that if you knew of his problem you might leave him. It is usually an old man problem so he feels powerless that it is affecting him at his prime age. I can tell he is frustrated as well but if there is a break up he wants the reason to be anything other than his erectile dysfunction. I don't know too much about erectile dysfunction, its prognosis, etc. You have to read up about it and make your own decision.
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