A
female
age
41-50,
*ppalachianLady82
writes:Okay. So I've been with my husband since my junior (his senior) year of high school. Lately, we've fallen on hard times and I've taken a fair amount of emotional abuse. I know that it's not him but the stress of his job. He's taking that stress out on me and our kids. For the last couple of months things have been tense. I had emergency surgery and of all the people I'd hope to be there when I woke up...he was it. But he wasn't there. When I expressed that sadness; he instantly fired back that he had strep throat, didn't feel good and made me feel guilty for wanting him to come to the hospital to hold my hand or kiss my cheek and say I love you. It never happened; and I never saw proof of his claims of "strep throat". Recently it's come to light that he's carried on a lie for a little over 15 years. He lied that he was a virgin when we dated and that I was his first. I was an open book! I told him about how I lost my virginity; what an unpleasant experience it was not to mention the mental anguish I'd felt from giving it to the absolutely WRONG person. I've never hidden anything from him. I reclaimed my virginity and 3 years later I gave it back to him. It may seem petty but my previous...thing was devastating to me. The first guy cheated; many, many, many times. I spent agonizing trips to the clinics praying that I was clean from diseases. I expressed ALL of that to my husband. From the jump. I wanted him to know the TRUTH about me. His story was that the girl he was rumored to have slept with he only allowed her to perform oral sex on him. I asked if it went further. He replied "almost; but I freaked out." Thus assuring me I was his first. Now; 15 years later he admits that the did have unprotected sex and on top of that I'm wrong for being shocked or hurt. I'm stuck wondering what's a lie and what's real. It's upsetting me! Literally, it's eating at me and I'm supposed to suck it up and never get the "true" story. Why can't he admit that he lied? Why can't he understand my hurt? What else does he lie about?
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emotionally abusive, I love you, lost my virginity, oral sex, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 April 2016):
 You both are going through a very rough patch at the moment. I guess if he did have strep throat then he should not have went to the hospital in case he gave others the infection. However the idea that you think he needs to prove to you that he had it shows that you do not trust him.
I guess it is never nice when we are told a lie from a partner. Yes it is a big deal that he lied to you about being a virgin, you need to tell him how hurt and upset that you are. Maybe at the time he was young and did not want to tell you he had sex, the longer you where together the more he probably forgot about it and did not see it as a big deal. If he is not willing to talk to you about this, well then he is not wanting to work along side you. If he is being abusive emotionally to you and the children then it is not fair on them either. You need to decide if you want to be with him or not. Think about what is best for yourself and the children.
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