A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I are in a distance relationship. This past weekend he went for some homecoming event and after the event he called me and we talked.Just recently a random girl who's on his friend's list leaves this comment on his wall "Just wanted to say hello, it was great seeing you"What do you think this means? Am I overreacting?
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male
reader, chuntiandemeili  +, writes (24 February 2010):
i do believe that when we find the right person everything else in our past can slowly fade into insignificance. there seems absolutely no reason, as our american friend has commented, for him to do anything to hurt you - just a matter of letting your faith in that gradually heal your older wounds. maybe wait until you see him again to raise those issues, set aside a moment during your renewed intimacy to talk quietly over some of the difficulties faced in the time apart, when he is away just make sure you both feel a part of each others lives and make exciting plans for april! not very long away. try going a whole year apart. sheesh. good luck :)
A
female
reader, ElectricSheep  +, writes (23 February 2010):
 I believe there's nothing to worry about with what the girl wrote. It's just a "hello" from someone.
From what you've said about your boyfriend, it sounds like he's a caring, understanding guy.
Relax, think positively, and hopefully you'll learn to trust him as I'm sure he won't do anything to hurt you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@chuntiandemeili
Thanks so much for the advice.Yes his facebook relationship status shows he's in a relationship with me and he called me after the event and we talked for hours.We've been dating for 4months now and throughout this four months he's given me no reason to doubt his trust.
He calls me frequently and we spend hours on skype. Even when he's at work he tries to call me, we talk when he gets off work, wakes up at morning, and he goes to bed at night. there's been no weird behavior to give me any reason to suspect him (and that's what scares me) I've been hurt so badly in the past.
We discussed my past hurt and he understands and tells me he doesn't intend doing whatever my ex did to me. He loves and shows me respect at all times. Its almost like I feel he's too good a guy to be true.
Am seeing him in April and he intends to meet my mum. he makes it obvious that all he wants is a future with me (We hope to get married sometime in 2011/2012)
I get paranoid over little things. How to I just let my guard down and trust him?
Because I do not want my past hurt to affect what I have with this amazing guy.
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A
male
reader, chuntiandemeili +, writes (23 February 2010):
g'day.
my gut reaction is that it is definitely nothing to worry about, assuming that it's a facebook fact of you guys being a couple, and even without that i'd still say so. have you been long distance for a week now or has it been considerably longer? from experience, i would trust the guy even if it hurts you, because there is very little to be suspicious about without being seen as paranoid. it's one of the nags (also at the guys end, but less so) of being ldr, but on the other hand one of the many impulses we have to conquer.
from personal experience, i was in an ldr for 20 months (the fact that it fell apart because of my gf's cheating is incidental, unless guys are real assholes they are a very well behaved bunch in ldrs), and at the beginning moved up to my first term of university life. one of the worst things was feeling not trusted in meeting people and going out, having my girlfriend exert pressure on who i should or should not be friends with (hate to say that if you mention this trifle it's not impossible that it would be interpreted as such, depending on your delivery and bf's sense of humour/mood), especially when one's heart was completely in the relationship. go easy on yourself, try not to mention it, i'm sure his heart isn't going anywhere in a hurry.
if this bothers you persistently though, and this will no doubt not be the first comment or status (i was like this too), then it's best get it out in the open that you have a general feeling of discomfort about being apart, and that some of the consequences are x and y - that way i'd hope you two could find some comforting and true words to say to eachother and grow as a couple, solve eachothers problems.
hope this is of help.
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