A
male
age
30-35,
*huntiandemeili
writes:Was with a girl for four months. Very passionate for the first two and then a drastic cooling off on her part. I had some problems of my own in the latter two months, and she had a lot of university stress - things eventually came to a close on Christmas day. The next week she told me she was in love with somebody else, and the week after that person turned out to be an old lover who'd come back from study abroad, who she was already back together with, wanted to marry etc. Can't shake off the terrible feeling that I failed when I could have kept her there, failed myself and was given no sympathy. Every other night there is some confused dream about her, and most days are a struggle to get her out of my head. I am a foreigner studying in China, so you can imagine how it feels to be reminded of her face all the time, in the city we met - have not slept on the bed we shared for two months. My mind is still too much occupied with how to make her see how I still love her, how I am genuine. Convinced that she has been tricked, that she feels she has lowered herself by doing this, would be suggested by some of the things I have seen on her updates. The worst it gets is I wish for her to cause me some physical damage, as a way to draw her attention to how much I want her to understand my feelings, which feels almost a blasphemous thing to be saying. Confused to the highest, agony aunts, please help. [Moderator's Note: OP's own title]
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Apparition +, writes (24 February 2010):
I think that communication is always the key to all sorts of relationships, so at this point, so it would be best to first let her know how much you care about her, and that you're still willing to be with her. Then at least she would be clear on how you feel. If this still does not get her attention or you don't get the desired response, then for your own emotional health you should let her go. Chasing after her if she doesn't feel the same way wouldn't help the situation, and at the end of the day if someone doesn't reciprocate your feelings you should put yourself first.
Take a deep breath and relax. If she feels the same way and wants to be with you, she will definitely show it to you in person.
I hope it all turns out well.
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