A
male
age
41-50,
*tLouisGuy
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together over a year. She always asked me if we ever broke things off whether I would fight for her. What does a woman mean by that? Her and I are both Christians. I had promised her thoughout the relationship that I'd spiritually get-it-together for her and us and she waited for several months, unhappy, waiting for me to make changes. She finally gave up on me and now is dating someone else. However, she keeps in fairly close contact with me and I gave her a hug and she was very comfortable with me. She tells me she wants to see me make those changes that I need to make(which i do). She's left the door open to a fresh start, but I dont know if she's contacting me to communicate that I not give up on her and keep coming after her or what? I've laid all the cards out on the table in two long conversations telling her how i felt about her and that I wanted a fresh start.
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male
reader, StLouisGuy +, writes (26 January 2009):
StLouisGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell....after hearing that email. I decided to say: i understand. good luck. maybe someday down the road, we can start over.
In the meantime, she will once in a while send texts, emails, etc.
The question is: If i ever want to have her back in my life do I:
A) Ignore all her attempts to contact me
B) "draw a line" and tell her...'please do not contact me. you've made your decision. im only a phone call away if your in trouble and need me, but ONLY if you need help. God Bless and have a nice life'.
C) Which is best, my female friend tells me i need to tell her to not contact me because then im respecting myself and informing her that she can't have me as a back-up plan in case this other guy doesn't work out.
Thoughts from you ladies?????
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2009): I called her and said, "im taking a stand, as a man, and i'm coming after you. I've made changes and I want to take you to a theatre show." I then gave her the times, she wrote them down, and was talking out a way to make the times work with her schedule. She thought about it, and then said she'd call me as soon as she texted her friend about their weekend plans to see if they could be rearranged so she could go with me. Then, three hours later, I got this message on my email:
Dear Clint,
I appreciate the invite to go see Legally Blonde, but unfortunately I am going to have to decline.
However much I appreciate your gesture to “fight” for me, I want to be honest with you and let you know that I do not want that, for either of us. We had our moment in time, Clint. I am very proud of you and whoever you end up with, I know that she will be a lucky girl. You are a good man.
Justin and I are very happy and just like I did for us, I am committed to giving him 100%. I cannot give him what he deserves from me emotionally if I am still invested in what we had.
You don’t have anything to prove to me anymore . . . . . . . ..
Love, Kate
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (22 January 2009):
 Ahhh, women. I know how she feels though, I've definitely had the same feeling myself. She wants to know that you want her so badly that if you break up, you'll really make the effort to get her back, to step up and be a man. She wants to know that you'll come after her.
I don't suggest pulling a Charlie Brown and running after that football over and over, but she wants to know you'll go the extra mile and try your hardest for her.
Just make sure she's not dragging you around for a ride, though. She might just need genuine convincing that you care enough about her to chase her, but she could also just want you to give her attention and energy until she is sick of it. If she's not an attention whore, make the efforts.
But as Miss C said, if she's got a new guy it may be too late. Remind her how you feel, but leave it be. Messing with another relationship ALWAYS gets messy.
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A
male
reader, StLouisGuy +, writes (22 January 2009):
StLouisGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've gone into No Contact mode and she's been contacting me. I dont know if this is best or not though. Another part of me thinks that I keep "fighting" and ask her to spend time with me. She's told me she still loves me and feels a lot of the things I feel, but that "its too late" and she's been very respondant to a fresh start down the road. Thoughts? I need help here....
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A
male
reader, StLouisGuy +, writes (22 January 2009):
StLouisGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've gone into No Contact mode and she's been contacting me. I dont know if this is best or not though. Another part of me thinks that I keep "fighting" and ask her to spend time with me. She's told me she still loves me and feels a lot of the things I feel, but that "its too late" and she's been very respondant to a fresh start down the road. Thoughts? I need help here....
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