A
female
age
30-35,
*lowergirl13
writes:Ok, so I'm a senior in college and I've taken around 5 classes with this same professor who we will call, Jim. Jim has been concerning my friends with his behavior towards me the last few years. I've apparently been in denial, but they are so concerned they told me to not take another class with him, so I listened. I'm currently in one right now though. Jim has been telling other students about how great I am for a few years. The latest one is the one that really concerns my friends and I. Simply because we have no idea what he meant by it. He said to one of my friends, "I feel that (insert my name) can reach/see into my soul". What does that mean? He also remembers weird little things about me from 3 years ago, but yet he has a really bad memory for everything else. He also always acts so awkward around me like I intimidate him. He has also commented on how I my hair looked perfect. He's also like 40 years older than me, so it adds to the creepiness. I don't even know if he is aware his actions are odd. Basically, I want others opinions on what he meant by that comment and why he treats me so weird. He is the most eccentric professor I've ever had. His normal behavior is concerning, but towards me it gets even worse. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (7 November 2016):
 While his behavior is awkward and seemingly harmless - maybe you need to talk to him one-on-one and tell him that it makes you feel uncomfortable.
I have met professors who were unaware of how "weird" they came across till someone told them. And it coming from you might be better than through a complaint.
And yes, I would make a complaint if he doesn't stop or it gets sexual. Being awkward doesn't give him the right to be inappropriate.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): I agree the behavior is creepy, but I think it's harmless. He has said nothing but positive things, and to be honest; all the senior or tenured professors I've every known seem a little weird. They are professional nerds, they live in a world of academia and they seldom stray from their subject of expertise. They travel only in circles where everyone considers themselves smarter than everyone else; so they will naturally come off weird and socially-awkward. The majority are distinguished, charming, intellectual, and eloquent. Arrogant to say they least. It comes with the territory.
He's an older man, and your friends should not discriminate on that basis; which I believe more to be their reasoning than anything else. If you feel uncomfortable or you feel he has made inappropriate advances or comments; then it is more up to you to respond to that. Not a bunch of ageist morons who are disgusted by age, more than any bad behavior.
You're almost done, he has done you no harm. Continue with life as you have thus far. Stay focused on earning your degree, leave the professors to their jobs. If he makes an inappropriate approach or steps out of line, report it to the dean. Don't allow other students to instigate trouble, it may come more from their jealousy that you are recognized above the rest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2016): Like I see it has given an excellent answer. Just try and ignore him and opt for other courses in the future. If he makes you too uncomfortable then maybe you could talk to a college counsellor for the most appropriate action. Maybe he needs a rap on the knuckles by a higher up to behave more appropriately in front of students.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (6 November 2016):
 In all honesty, his direct interactions with you sound awkward but fairly harmless when taken alone. Remembering things about you or complimenting your hair is weird and distracting but probably not a violation of school policy because it's not directly sexual in nature. However, the fact he talks about you to other students in your absence to the point that they'd warn you away from taking his classes is concerning to say the least. It sounds like he has some kind of crush on you and simply isn't able to keep things professional. But he's too awkward to flirt much with you directly, so your friends hear the bulk of the weirdness when you're not there. That comment about reaching into his soul suggests to me that he thinks he feels some sort of special connection with you (though clearly one-sided, since you rightfully find his behavior creepy and worrisome rather than attractive).
You mention that even his normal behavior is concerning. He sounds to me like a person with a poor sense of boundaries and possibly low social skills, who probably has the job he does simply because he is so brilliant in whatever field he teaches. If he's 40 years older than you, he was born at a time when developmental disabilities often weren't detected in early childhood as commonly as they are now. There may actually be an underlying medical cause for his inability to interact appropriately in social settings while still displaying incredible intelligence in his field of choice. This does not EXCUSE the fact that his behavior makes you uncomfortable, but it would be one possible explanation for the bizarre words and actions you are seeing from him. Plenty of older men still find young women appealing, visually and otherwise, but most have the social skills to consider first how their attentions might be perceived by others (and received by the young woman in question) and to refrain from bringing up these feelings in the classroom, the workplace, and so on. The fact that he as a highly educated person still does not have this basic understanding is telling. So you're absolutely right, it's quite possible that he doesn't even realize his actions might seem odd to you or to others. Neuro-divergences like autism spectrum disorder or Asperger's syndrome can make it very difficult to put oneself in a "neurotypical" person's shoes socially and emotionally, and social awkwardness is a pretty common result. I say this as someone with multiple family members on the spectrum, both formally diagnosed and not, and as someone who is possibly undiagnosed herself.
In your shoes I would finish the class with him - in a lecture hall full of students, he can't single you out for unwanted attention beyond the occasional odd comment, and unless you're within the allowable deadline to drop the class it will forever be part of your academic record if you just stop going. That said, because it's absolutely impossible to tell whether he's harmless and simply not realizing how inappropriate he sounds, or intentionally trying to cross a boundary with you, make sure you're never alone when you interact with him - even if it's just to ask a question or drop off a paper. And if his comments towards *you directly* become sexual in nature, don't be afraid to report him to school administrators, because that IS against policy at any school.
Do make sure you satisfy the remainder of your educational requirements with other professors after this. You shouldn't have to worry about navigating weirdness with the course professor in addition to learning the material and finishing the coursework. You are there to learn, and this professor may be a brilliant person but he's not a good fit for you if his behavior distracts from your education.
I hope this helps. Best wishes!
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