A
female
age
36-40,
*ngela2
writes:I am a person who beileves in just having sex with the one you love,but not someone else, no matter how hot others are. And being faithful to your partner is vital to a relationship based on true love.I have been wondering what does "love" mean to men. Why can men be sexually attracted to or even have sex with other women when they claim that they are either deeply in love with their partners or at least are still in love. Why can men have sex with someone else in their heart, and they don't fear or care that by doing so they broke their belove's heart? Is is true, that to men sex can be separated from love? And they still enjoy sex even without any or much feelings? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Abook  +, writes (25 October 2008):
In my opinion, or shall I say in my experience with men in my life.. To me, have more of a physical attraction rather than mental... For some women it is very mental for us..If we are not turned on mentally we could care less...
A
female
reader, Clarey  +, writes (12 June 2008):
 I know what you mean, but there are loads of unanswered questions about how people can do things. Such as how can a soldier kill in war but not on the street. It is compartmentalisation (plus justified politically). Because they usually would not be happy if their girl did it too. Don't worry too much though, it does not have to affect your world.
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A
female
reader, angela2 +, writes (12 June 2008):
angela2 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Clarey and neonpinkngooey, thank you for your opinions. It is not that I used to be cheated on by someone. But my ex did value sex very much.The stories I heard and the things I saw make me wonder why so many men put sex before love. I wonder if they could have much sexual pleasure with someone they have no feelings for at all. Can sex be as good and enjoyable. Here I talk about men in general. What baffles me most is how can they have sex with other women when they claim they love their partners so much.
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A
female
reader, Clarey +, writes (12 June 2008):
Some men can separate or compartmentalise issues. If you want to find someone who is the faithful type there must be ways of cutting down the odds for finding a cheater. For example, someone who volunteers time for a cause obviously has high morals. Some young men may find themselves in love but feel they have not sown all their wild oats and while they may love, they don't know what loss feels like so they gamble.
If you man has cheated it is nothing to do with you not being good enough, it is his problem. I know about this because it happened with two of the three loves I have had in my life. Those two still look back now many years later and regret that they lost me. They now, with the force of hindsight, see their loss.
Take your time to fall in love next time, don't give your heart too easily. Trust takes time.
Remember that it is a good idea to know what the potential partner feels about fidelty before deciding yourself whether they are worthy of you. The kind of bloke who can have an affair whilst with a person he loves may be more capable of worse, sex is available everywhere for not much effort.
I don't think I could be bothered if I were you, really from your point of view you now have confirmation that he is not right at the moment and if you care about yourself consider giving him up. Maybe one day he will be grown up enough to have another try with; once he realises further down the line what your worth is and is prepared to protect and invest in your relationship.
You are right to think that there is not sufficient invested by him in yuo as partners, to avoid taking risks with the relationship. Women are programmed to look for this reliability because they want to ensure secure family set-ups and have chidren. Men want that too but get diverted by opportunities to spread their dna about. Your reaction is reasonable because imagine having kids with this bloke. You feel a bit over weight or have some stretchmarks. You are tired and having sleepless nights. Do you think you man has the strength of character to be your support, or will he go off and have an affair? I think you have a feeling for that answer which is stirring inside you somewhere. It would probably take more effort than he will muster to sort this out and if you just hang around why would he bother? Too easy to just carry on but with you all insecure and unhappy.
Why not give yourself a break and at least get some control back in your life by setting him to one side for a while. You will see him react in an interesting way that I promise. But don't take him back unless you are sure.
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A
female
reader, neonpinkngooey +, writes (12 June 2008):
 Men don't have a universal view on what love is, just like women. Some men cheat, and some men don't. Some men can have sex without emotional attachment, and some can't. The same holds true for women. I think your view on love is the best way to see it; it shows that you are loyal and trustworthy. Unfortunately, not everyone is like you. It seems as if your view on men is a little swayed by experience. Just because you have come across men who don't stay faithful, that doesn't mean that all men are like that.
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