A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 years and on the face of things we had a really great relationship. He really is lovely. So respectful and trustworthy and generous and kind. He would do anything for anyone and I really do love him. The thing is though, I was neve sure whether I was IN love with him. I guess I felt more like he was my best friend and I wondered if I was missing something that other people feel for their partner. So 10 months ago I broke up with him and moved out of the apartment we shared. We have stayed good friends though. I care about him so much and I really enjoy spending time with him as my friend. He told me this week though that he still loves me and he doesn't think he can go on being friends with me. He needs to cut contact with me so that he can get over me and he gave me an ultimatum; either we get back together or we no longer have any contact. I totally understand why he needs this but I'm devastated. Far more upset than I was when we broke up and now I'm starting to wonder whether I should give things with him another go. Am I being silly looking for something more than what I had with him? i know I was very lucky to be his girlfriend and I don't want to throw that away looking for something more if something more doesn't actually exist and what I had with him was as much as anyone has. What does being in love feel like? Can anyone help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much guys. Your answers are really reassuring. 5 star ratings for you both! :). I just always hear people talking about how relationships need work and I wonder if maybe I just didn't work hard enough to fall in love with him. Or when people say about how the honeymoon period doesn't last forever and I think, maybe I will always get to the point where I feel something is missing then; that's just what it feels like when you get past the honeymoon stage. I don't want to lose him as a friend but I understand why he needs to cut me off. I just didn't want to lose him if I'd come to regret it one day. It's reassuring to know though that you Devonot knew without any doubt that you had met the right person. And that you Janniepeg think that if he'd been the right person, I wouldn't have broken up with him in the first place. Guess I will just have to let him go. Thanks again guys.
A
male
reader, devont +, writes (12 July 2015):
 Don't go back to him. When I was with my ex, I really liked her and we got on well and had fun, I thought we'd probably spend the rest of our lives together... But, like you, sometimes I'd wonder if I was actually IN love with her. When we'd been together for four years, people started asking when we we re going to get married, and although I wasn't against marrying her, I'd always think, 'What if we get married and then I meet the girl I'm actually supposed to be with?'We ended up breaking up, even though there wasn't really anything wrong.Then I met my current girlfriend and everything was different. I fell in love with her so hard and everything felt so right. I know, absolutely and completely, how much I love her and I have no doubt whatsoever about my feelings, or that I'll spend the rest of my life with her. Don't go back to an ex if you doubted your feelings. You doubted them for a reason. You'll find someone else and you'll know you did the right thing by ending it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 July 2015):
 Love cannot be defined and it's different for every couple. I believe in sticking out and putting effort in, at the same time I believe your heart knows and let go when it's time. If you have doubts that resulted in a break up then that's enough to tell you he's not the one. I know of couples who reunited and say to each other, "the second time is always the best." It depends on how you break up. Break ups that were caused by explosive fights followed by a cool off period have a better chance of survival than those that were done because one fell out of love and became apathetic. Feelings can't be fixed like problems such as finance or ways to communicate better. It's either there or not.
You are not silly for looking for more. Not everybody has to be told the same old, "passion fades. The honey moon period does not last forever" However, you made decisions based on your gut. Yes it's located in your stomach but it's responsible for a lot of actions in life that's unexplainable. It's based on instinct. No one just breaks up because suddenly there's a lull to the relationship. It's often more than that.
I am not favourable of on and off relationships. To get back requires a lot of work to build trust again. If you want a break better go all the way than let him guessing.
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