A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here is my situation (sorry if it's kind of long.) I met this guy in a professional context (actually, in a job training class I assisted with teaching last year). They graduated. We got back in contact when he texted me wanting to know when the main instructor's pregnant wife was due to have her baby, so that he could send them flowers.Today I saw him on the freeway. I knew it was him because of the personalized license plate, so I waved, mainly to be polite. Later he texted me asking if that had been me and I said yes. He asked how my career (in the same field as his) has been going. At this point I felt kind of a weird vibe from the whole thing as we were never on a conversational basis before. I said it was fine.Then he texted me back and mentioned that he'd "like to meet for coffee one day if that's an option."I didn't really know what he was getting at so I told him that my schedule is crammed until May (not a lie). Guys, help me out here. Do you ask "just a friend" to go get coffee? I guess my question is whether or not coffee can be just coffee, or if there are ulterior motives. I was not close to this guy during his training and I honestly have no clue what we would talk about. For what it's worth, I could have sworn this guy is married!I have a boyfriend and am not interested in this guy romantically. I don't want to be rude but on the other hand I really do NOT want to meet him if it's anything other than a friendly session of catching up. I'd hate to give him the wrong idea. Please help!!
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female
reader, SugarCookie  +, writes (3 March 2009):
Yes coffee can be just coffee. You just have to slide into the conversation in a none rude way your boyfriend. Your BF should be easy to bring up. Its harder to make friends as you get older and maybe he is looking for a friend that he can talk to about his professional life without them being a coworker. Don't judge him harshly and go into it with a possible friendship in mind.
A
male
reader, Tomas +, writes (3 March 2009):
My sense is it a request for more than friendship. It's the "if that's an option", plus asking about coffee over text.
If it was just the texting, I'd probably not mention add my 2 cents here, because I'm 36 and 18-21 yr olds may have different texting rules than I'm used to.
But as a guy, if I'm asking a woman who is a friend if she wants to grab a coffee, it is because I am about to go get a coffee and I wonder if she wants to come along.
If I'm asking whether coffee is an option, I (personally) am hedging that maybe she doesn't want to have coffee with me, not because of me, but because her situation (e.g. boyfriend) means it is not an option.
If you were never really on a conversational basis, it seems a bit weird that he would want to catch up, as (presumably) there is no previous friendship to catch back up to.
My 2 cents anyway.
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A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (3 March 2009):
 Ack, nobody's answered this yet as I, too, am curious.
There's a guy I've known for years. We've gone out for lunch a few times. The last time we got together he invited me for coffee at Starbucks. We met each other there. I got there first and waited for him. When he arrived I went up to wait with him in line. He was acting kinda strange; a little cold. He kinda had his nose in the air but saw his eyes go quickly up and down me like he was checking me out. We ended up talking for over two hours where we both were flirting a ton. Lots of eye contact, leaning forward on the table so sitting close to each other, and one time he stopped talking and we just gazed in each other's eyes for several seconds. He finally broke it, looked down and had an embarrassed-looking smile on his face.
I had told him before that I wouldn't be home til the summer as I live far away. He emailed me last week asking if I'd be home for Easter. It sounds like he really wants to see me, so I, too, want to know this secret about inviting a female for coffee. I don't know if he had that all planned or it just happened.
Sorry I couldn't help you as I'm in the same boat myself :)
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