A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for 3 years and its defiantly not a bad one – I love my bf dearly. However I have been having doubts for over a year and there are problems in the relationship. I have shared my thoughts with him and made effort to try and fix things. Yet he seems to have denied there is anything wrong and made no effort to improve things between us. We stayed together because even when I really questioned whether things would work, every time I saw him I just knew deep down I wanted him. However a few months ago I started getting doubts again and went straight off to see him but this time they didn’t go away. I was so upset and I’m so confused. I kept seeing him but still those doubts haven’t gone. I haven’t stopped loving him and I know there are things lacking in the relationship but I just feel I’ve given up. This has scared my bf and he wants to make things work but after over a year of doubts that have come to a head I just don’t see how. I just don’t have that certainty inside me anymore. I always said to myself ‘Why are you doubting this? You will never have this with anyone else’. But I guess I have realised that I can connect with other people in different ways and perhaps there might be something more... I feel I’m moving on with my life and changing as a person but he isn’t moving in the same direction. I am on a break from him at the moment to try and figure out what I want. I miss having that someone special to talk to and turn to but these doubts about whether he is a good fit for me aren’t going away! Will things become clear? What does it mean if the doubts have stayed this long? Has it run its course? I have always been so sure and I hate this confusion. I know ultimately I want that special someone in my life, I hate being alone but how do I know if it my bf is right when that certainty has now gone?
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female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (13 January 2011):
"But I guess I have realised that I can connect with other people in different ways and perhaps there might be something more... I feel I’m moving on with my life and changing as a person but he isn’t moving in the same direction. "Have you found someone new?Or have you started to change in your tastes and or desire a new kind of lifestyle and your boyfriend hasn't changed to match your new lifestyle?"I know ultimately I want that special someone in my life, I hate being alone but how do I know if it my bf is right when that certainty has now gone?"It seems you know your boyfriend isn't right for you and you're just staying with him because you're afraid of being alone. So despite knowing that he's not the right one for you, you nevertheless try to convince yourself that he is, so you can justify not breaking up with him, because you don't want to be alone.
A
female
reader, LeahVictoria  +, writes (11 January 2011):
Im in sort of the same situation.
I have the doubts to that have been going on for a year. Then when you talk it over and its about to be final you get that pang of guilt when you see his face and sweep it under the carpet and try and forget. Then it starts all over again.
Im to scared to move on just incase im making a mistake (i dont know if thats how your feeling?)
he can still be a great fantastic guy but that doesnt mean that he is the right guy for you.
I dont feel i have been much help but it feels like i should be taking my own advice here.
If your like me your just waiting for a sign to say yes your making the right decision, what ever that is...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2011): Its very difficult to give you help when you havent given us a clue as to what all these doubts are. Maybe if you give us a more detailed outline of the problems you are having it would help more.
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