A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, I met a guy online for a date two weekends ago and had an amazing time. The conversation flowed effortlessly, we kissed and had great chemistry, and both of us admitted that were were a little "twitterpated" by the end of the date.He made plans to see me again mid-date (didn't even wait til the end), but, as I was going to be out of town the whole week for work, and he was going out of town for work the following weekend, we wouldn't be able to see each other for over a week and a half.During that time he texted me every day, multiple times a day, called me "just to hear [my] voice," told his friends about me, and told me that he was really taken aback, because he had never felt so excited about someone after the first date. He told me he had dreams about me, missed me, and couldn't wait to see me again. I don't usually get this excited about a guy either, but he's mature (40 years old), commitment-minded, has his own successful business, and is really, really kind, communicative and thoughtful. We share a lot of the same interests and seem to really "click" in person. He says he's a "one woman guy" where dating is concerned, meaning that he likes to focus on getting to know one woman at a time, instead of multi-dating. Plus, the fact that he thinks about me often and shows it is a huge "check-plus" in my book.In anticipation of our date, he texted me the night before AND this morning, saying he was really excited to see me, and ironing out details, such as time and getting my address because he wanted to pick me up. Then, two hours before the date, he sent a text saying that there was no way he was going to be able to meet up, that he was still at the office, working to catch up after his big conference, and that he was "super sorry."I told him it was okay, that I understood. He thanked me for understanding, but didn't reschedule at all, or send any follow up texts later to smooth things over. It really surprises me, since he seemed SO eager to see me again and because he told me he never gets so enthusiastic after meeting someone the first time. I have to say, I am really disappointed.So, my question is, if someone cancels a date and doesn't reschedule right away, does that always mean they aren't that into you? I know it hasn't even been a day, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Could it be he burned out, snapped out of his lovesick stupor, or can someone really be into you and not move to reschedule immediately?Opinions and experiences are greatly appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2014): I was in your shoes up until April of last year. Someone went all hoop-Dee-doo all over me as well. We exchanged nice gifts, and shared many adventures together.
I'm a romantic. The caregiver type. I don't use activity from social media as my gauge of how much I'm liked. Either you do, or you don't. Actions speak louder than words for me. You get scarce, I've lots to keep me busy.
In my case, the love-fest went on for 10 months. Before I met this person, I hadn't even considered committing to a relationship since my partner of 28 years died of cancer, seven years prior.
After traveling, spending a lot of wonderful time together, and making many plans. He started getting distant and kind of weird. Then he dumped me.
He said I deserved to have someone better than he. I told him, I already do. Me!
On that note we parted. I have not spoken to him since. I've survived nonetheless. I help others to get over their pain and grief of loss. I'm a survivor,and I've earned my stars.
Well, I had to get over my disappointment. There is one thing I want to pass on to you that has kept me going ever since.
I didn't turn to anyone else to make up for what I don't have. I was my own best friend for seven years. I've enjoyed the company of old-time buddies, and found companionship by dating. I've lost three of my siblings.
I've gotten closer to my family. I keep going.
I feel fulfilled with or without being in a relationship. I never lose hope; because God blessed me with someone wonderful for 28 years. He'll do it again.
He sent me someone else. It lasted only a short time. He dumped me yes; but not before he woke up something that was sleeping within me that needed to wake up. I learned to feel for someone new since I lost my partner. I'm grateful for that. I'm still very much alive inside.
Of course it hurts to be dumped. I have feelings. I also realize that I'm not tied down in the belief there is only one person on this planet meant for me. There are many people waiting and ready for you and me. They are meant to cross our paths, and enrich our lives somewhere along our journey through life.
Keep heart, my dear. You are only in your thirties. You will meet a few good men and not so good men; before you do find the best guy that is meant for you.
Never feel that you are only happy when you have someone. You should be happy to be with, or without someone. He sparked some hope within you. Hold on to that.
Some people are only meant to keep our blood pumping, or keep us in-touch with our feelings. It keeps us prepped and primed for that wonderful person who is waiting; and making their way to us.
You will remember my words, and when he shows up, you'll remember that WiseOwlE said this would happen.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2014):
 Yea, I would have preferred a honest answer or comment instead of the "spiritual" approach, but then again, maybe that just goes to show YOU that he wasn't for you.
My guess is, he thought it sounded like a "nicer" let down then being straight forward.
Don't let that scary you, onward and upwards!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone, for the input. I've never been in this kind of situation, where a guy told me he'd never felt so strongly for someone before after a first date, and followed through with texting, calling, wanting to know little things about me. I was receptive of his attention, thanked him for thinking of me, I flirted back a little, and yes, secretly, I may have gotten more excited than usual, because we seemed to have so much in common and such a strong connection initially. It just seemed like great timing and I was interested in seeing where things would lead (I did not place any future expectations on it, nor did I seem overly enthusiastic about anything--trust me, it was ALL him getting "hoop-dee-doo" over me).
Anywho, short story long, he texted me later that evening to say that it "came to [him] in yoga" (nice touch) that, although we had a connection and that I was amazing and that he really liked me, something didn't "feel right" to him and he didn't think that it was going to be "good for [him] or [I]". I told him that I was surprised, as we were just getting to know each other, but wished him good luck. He told me that "sometimes things change" and that he had to listen to his "soul on these matters." Again, nice touch.
I just wish he would have been able to be honest to say, "Hey, I think I got a little carried away and I'm not sure what I want" or "I met someone else I think I like better" or whatever. I am a grown up, I had been honest about everything else I'd said to him. I don't get it.
Anyway, lesson learned, right? If it seems "too good to be true" it probably is. Boom.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (24 January 2014):
“If it were me,”
This is your first mistake. He is not you, so don’t expect him to know how you feel because you feel it. We are not mind readers, and we expect effort on your part as well. You want a man to show interest in you, we want a woman to show that same interest in us. That’s like saying “I can’t wait to win the lottery”, but never going out to buy a ticket. Sit there dreaming of what could be. If you want to know, go find out. If you want to drive yourself insane, do nothing and wait.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2014): I had something a bit similar - but it was over three dates - the guy could not have been more into me, but then he suddenly went 'dead' and I was heartbroken, very confused for a long time. Years later and I figured out that he had become frightened of his own feelings - he was out of a very, very miserable marriage and, instead of going for what he really wanted - me - he backed right off because he was scared he felt so much that it would lead straight to another committed relationship. Instead he had a six month relationship with a very long standing female friend ...because it was far less scary for him and he could remain in control of his feelings all the time. It didn't last because she realised he had never been all that in to her. For him to have an emergency at work is one thing - fine, it happens. But if he's simply saying to you that he can't manage his workload then there's something else going on in his head/heart. You're right, the guys who have posted in are expecting you to just pick up the 'phone and behave like a guy would. If you're not naturally like this then don't respond. Just wait it out and the truth will come out eventually. And WiseOwlE so very often responds to women's posts in a good way, but feels a compulsion to say to them that it is 'all about you' or to indicate that women 'want to be spoiled or made into a princess by men'. I don't think you are doing that at all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2014): Well you are getting too excited about this guy, way too fast. Remember guys lie. 9 times out of 10 they tell you what you want to hear, especially in the initial stage of dating. If you buy into everything he says, he is going to lose interest. You gotta play coy and don't believe everything he tells you! Guys like the chase. He likes it when he is not sure how you feel cause then he has to put in the work to impress you. Guys like a woman who can read through bullshit. Cause it makes you mysterious. That doesn't mean you should call him out on it, but don't get too excited when he texts you sweet nothings. Anybody can do that. Make him work harder than that in order to gain your approval and trust. Cause as you see, those texts were empty words as he cancelled your date and didn't bother to follow up. If you are getting too excited, too fast, what that tells him is that you have no other options. You went out on ONE date, he texted you sweet nothings and suddenly you are completely sold! Too easy....What you want is for him to think that you do have other options, maybe even better than him, but without saying it of course. And that he is going to have to do a hell of alot more than that to tie you down. Guys like having the BEST. They like the girl who keeps them on their toes, they have to fight for a little bit. Not the one who turns into silly putty at the first guy who shows her attention. You want him to think you are the coolest most desirable woman he knows and you can take him or leave him at any moment. Act like you've got ten other guys vying for your attention cause thats how rad you are. The best way to do that is to play coy and not get too excited and make him WORK to win you over.When he texts you or calls, don't always be available. Make him wait. Make him wonder what you're doing. Let him think you might be out with another guy, cause that is where his mind will go when you don't answer his calls. And thats a good thing. So he stood you up and he hasn't followed up. You could follow either the girls advice to ignore him or the guys advice to text him and plan a date with him yourself, I don't think either strategy will make a difference. Its up to you. The only thing that will make a difference is to change your game plan and stop taking this guy (and guys in general) so seriously, so fast. He'll actually respect you more, ironically enough.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2014): So he's got to be all ga-ga over you, and he can't expect the same from you? You're afraid to to call; because you'd rather think the worse; and you're afraid to find out if maybe he's not that into you.
You can sit and drum up all sorts of bad scenarios. It would bother me if anyone I liked would think the worst of me before they would give me the benefit of the doubt.
Play old-school and wait. If that's what you'd rather do.
So I guest it's all about you?
Maybe that's what he figured out.
Call him. I dare ya!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: I still haven't heard from him since he canceled our date last night. He usually texts me in the morning (not always, but usually).What I find interesting here is that the male responses tell me to pick up the phone and do the legwork, where the female responses are more along the lines of, "he's just not that into you." I am of the mindset that, if someone who appears interested cancels a date, then it is on that person to reschedule. I understand that business situations arise and that stuff comes up, but, to me, it's more telling about how a person handles it than whether or not they have to cancel. If it were me, and I didn't know when I would be able to reschedule, I would at least say something like, "Things are crazy and I need to figure out my schedule, but I will make it up to you." That seems like a courteous thing to do, IMHO. It just seems SO confusing to me that he was all ga-ga over me up THROUGH the day of the date, and then, last minute, backed out. It's not like this was a first date either. Sure, he could have been legitimately busy, but my imagination is running amok as to what could have happened between noon and 6p.m. that day to change his mind. Ultimately, if it's not meant to be, it won't be, but I can't say that it doesn't make me wary of guys I will meet that seem "too good to be true" in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2014): Being a mature women, I think you ought to be able to call and ask a mature gentleman when he'd like to get together again.
When unexpected business emergencies arise, it is difficult to schedule leisure dates; when you are uncertain of what unforeseen events may come up in the interim. He may be in the midst of work, and unable to at this time.
A brief phone call would have taken you less time than writing your post.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2014): For a man who is so dedicated to his work that he has to cancel a date at short notice - especially after all he said to you and his behaviour - does not add up. If he was so dedicated and is 40 years old, there is no way on earth that he would not be able to handle his schedule OR at least predict well in advance that he was not going to be able to meet with you.
It doesn't add up. I wouldn't even wait to find out what happened or what his real reasons are. Some men are like this - they are all over you and make you feel amazing and then...nothing, they flip out. It will keep happening. If you can handle it fine, but I would run a mile after this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 January 2014):
Have you talked to him since?
Usually I would assume that he is either seeing multiple women, not that into you or he is FACT is REALLY busy.
Cancelling a date and not immediately rescheduling doesn't always mean either of the first two. It could very well be that he can't til he knows what goes on work-wise first.
If he HASN'T contacted you since.... then I would guess option #1 or #2.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf +, writes (23 January 2014):
Well you can sit there and let your mind come up with all kind negative scenarios to drive yourself crazy…or, you can text him and arrange another meeting. If he is running a successful business, then expect these things to happen. A simple text cancelled the date; a simple text can rearrange the date. Either way, you will know where you stand, instead of going crazy.
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