A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a male virgin who's never kissed a girl or been on a date. Whenever I work up the courage to ask a girl out, I always get told "You're a sweet guy but I just don't see you that way." What does that mean? I always interpret it that I am too ugly. How do I change this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 October 2020):
 I definitely agree with CodeWarrior,
Don't make asking someone out SUCH a big deal, because the possible rejection will feel much worse.
But I also agree with anon who said that you might be asking out girls who aren't attracted to you in the first place, you might be reading the fact that they TALK to you as interest. It isn't. That is an uphill battle.
I am wondering where you meet these women and how long you talk before making a move. It might help us give you better advice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2020): It means you're a great friend but that's it.
It doesn't mean you're ugly it just means that the girl is not romantically interested.
I understand your lack of confidence but you need to learn how to combat this so as not to instantly turn women off as others have said.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2020): It could also be that youre pursuing chicks youre attracted to but not clicking with. Chicks are more likely to say yes if they feel a connection and a click with a guy vs a guy just thinking theyre a good catch amd then asking them out. Focus on connecting with women without feeling the need to ask them out right away. Dont do it for the sake of winning them over tho, do it for the sake of learning how to bond with women in general. Female friends are an easy practice field. You need to be sure of yourself before others can believe that youre capable of doing what you set your mind to.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 October 2020):
I think one of the things that can turn women off most frequently is a lack of confidence and being too nice. If you fall into those categories you should work on changing that.
I can tell you with certainty that confidence turns on so many women. And being too nice implies a lack of confidence.
Explore that idea further.
It doesn't mean you're ugly by any means, it means at that moment you're not their type
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2020): A lot of men have an obsession with looks and make a beeline for women who are physically very attractive. Sometimes they go for legs, sometimes a slim figure, sometimes long hair and that is all they see. They totally ignore the fact that maybe that woman has an irritating laugh or is as thick as shite.Something I have noticed about men who are not very clued up on life and women is that even if they never have any success with women and lack the conversational and thinking skills needed to do well with them, they still make a bee line for the most gorgeous women. This makes no sense because it is the gorgeous women who are more likely to reject you. You are more likely to have success with a woman who is gawky, plain, fat, twice your age etc. The more beautiful, sexy and young the woman is the more likely it is she is not interested in you. She has plenty of other men to choose from who are more confident and got that certain something, including confidence and chat. When a virgin or awkward or plain guy is looking he should dumb down his requirements to suit what he has to offer in return.If you had just left college and were looking for your very first job you would not apply to be the managing director of the company and expect to get the most exciting well paid job there. Women are less likely to go by looks. They tend to go for brains, personality, attitude etc.You say you think you are ugly and want to know how to change that. You have got it all wrong. And if ugliness was your answer how on earth would you be able to change it anyway? Either you would change your hair or clothes and then you would be left with the rest as it was before.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (22 October 2020):
 No it does not mean that you are ugly, it just means that you are not compatible with the woman in question.
I think you should maybe step back from asking a woman out straight off, and work on your self.
If you asking woman out from a place of nervousness and desperation, it can be rather off putting for the opposite sex.
Work on yourself, your confidence, and tell yourself your a good attractive person worthy of meeting someone beautiful inside and out.
Take up some hobbies, join a walking group, something where you will interact with like minded people. Rather than just asking a woman out, build up a friendship over time, then when you feel the time is right, and you will know in your heart when the time is right, this is the time to ask them out.
Just don't be in a rush to meet someone, enjoy working on yourself and getting yourself into that good feeling place. I believe that we meet our potential partners when we least expect it.
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