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What does he want? Is there something here or just a sexual relationship?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends with Benefits, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 July 2018) 8 Answers - (Newest, 16 July 2018)
A female Australia age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Going back about 4-5 months ago, I met a guy one night out at a bar. We are 5 years age difference, I'm 22 and he's 27. We immediately slept together that night. We kind of clicked quite well and he got my number, stayed in contact with me and we caught up again. He told me I was fun and thanked me for a good night. When we're together, it's like magnets, we cannot keep our hands of each other. Very much sexually attracted to each other. Amazing sex. There's a bit of nervousness on both our ends when we're together and a fair bit of "impressing" as we are not at the comfortable stage of talking about personal details. Mind you, there's been mornings the next day when he's asked to go surfing (I think they're more jokes as it was winter time) although wouldn't be surprised. He admitted to me the last time I saw him that he cleaned his room for me, brushed his teeth. Ever since, we've been fairly busy but he usually texts me most weekends trying to see me. It's also very casual that if we try and meet up and one of us flakes, we're not offended. He once flaked on me and apologised. I've flaked a few times. I genuinely felt for a very long time very casual and laid back about everything with him, now I'm getting a bit more questionable about our intentions. He texted me recently while I was away and admitted he had been stalking my social media and what I've been up to.

Back tracking a little bit, the night we met, I was having a good night and I'm a fairly confident individual. Normally when I'm out, I will try and get everyone to dance, have a good laugh etcetera. The night he saw me, he was looking at me and I sort of initiated for him to dance. We hit it off. He told me that I was a heartbreaker in terms of looks and ever since, we have always made each other feel good about each other when we are in each others company, which isn't that often though. Or if I'm going to a competition as I used to model, he will say that I will be the winning person. When I go away on holidays, he will tell me to have a good time and be safe. We seem to genuinely care about each other to some extent. I have bad sleeping problems so there's been nights where I have kept him up but he seems okay about it. One amazing thing about him is that he will kiss me with morning breath, when I'm drunk, during sex and after. He is very affectionate towards me which I love and I also subconsciously perceive that as being composed and mature.

A little about each other, while we physically look actually very similar from hair colour, facial features, etc. We are quite different in the way we live. My guess is that he comes from a middle class family, his occupation is in education (I won't elaborate for privacy) and I live quite a hedonist lifestyle, I will jet set to New York on business from the other side of the planet just for the hell of it for example. I grew up with my father working in oil and subsequently, we lived in a lot of continents. I will make big purchases, like 5k on a handbag whereas he seems the type of guy to spend $10 on a bag. Or $100 for a room whereas I would spend $700 a night without no hesitation. He knows that one other side of my family is quite wealthy so he would probably have an average guess of my family. At the end of the day, those material factors doesn't exactly make us as a person so I understand it may not be that important. Personality wise, we seem maybe a bit similar. Both love to travel and both have lived overseas. Both seem relatively calm individuals and he once told me that I seem like a patient person. Both like sports and care about our appearance.

Do you think he likes me?

TL;DR it appears that a guy I met 4-5 months ago and I do like each other or at least have a strong attraction/lust for each other but one of us is not being upfront. That is what my gut tells me at least. I'm asking for advice whether I should ask what he wants or if it's not worth it if appears only sexually motivated

View related questions: drunk, on holiday, stalking, text

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (16 July 2018):

N91 agony auntWhy would you not ask him? We couldn’t possibly answer the question.

You hooked up on the first night you met, I wouldn’t get my hopes up. For a lot of guys that’s a sign of someone who would do that with a lot of people. I will say that if he was truly interested, he would of made more of an effort to have made it known by now. Don’t you think he would of made things exclusive if he wanted to?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (16 July 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntThings haven't really progressed in the five or six months that you have been seeing each other so that is a big red flag to begin with. I think if he was interested in a relationship it would have came up by now. The only way you are going to know where you stand is to ask him and see what he has to say.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (15 July 2018):

Honeypie agony auntWhy not ask him?

If you would LIKE more, tell him.

Then he can either AGREE and you two move forward or... he can reject the idea and you can stop wasting your time, energy and emotions on a guy who doesn't WANT to date you.

As for how much money your FAMILY has... I doubt that factor into it UNLESS you spend a lot of money on him (which I hope you don't).

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2018):

You're obviously questioning what's going on so he might be too. You definitely should ask him what he feels, because everyone's different. It's good that you have a good time together and your personalities are similar so I hope this works out for you

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A female reader, Tunisiangurll Tunisia +, writes (15 July 2018):

It's almost like a one-night stand , kinda It's all about sexuality .. why you don't ask him directly so u'll get yr answer as easy as that ..

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2018):

You met a guy at a bar and had sex. He likes you; but would probably hookup again if the opportunity was presented.

He sees a privileged young woman who likes him. Good for the ego, and she can pay for better hotels. So what?

If he was really interested, you wouldn't be asking us if he is. At least he's not impressed by your money.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (15 July 2018):

Aunty BimBim agony auntSure, I think he likes you, he likes to have sex and to hangout with you, but in my opinion if he was wanting more he would have shown it, either through word or deed, by now.

I don't think the different backgrounds are impacting on this at all, unless for him there is an extra fillip to sleeping with the daughter of a rich family.

If you are happy with the casual relationship continue as you are, but if you are looking for a deeper, more meaningful relationship this guy isn't the one for you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2018):

Sounds like you like him. Don’t get too involved in asking “what are we?”. Let him take the lead. See other guys, and be a little more mysterious.. He sounds like he likes you from what you say, but not enough to take that next step if that’s what you’re looking for (why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free?)

He’ll eventually start sniffing the other dudes around promise you

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