A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just wondering what you guys would think what’s on this girls mind. She is married with 2 kids. She is few years older than me, we work together. She is quiet person, well respected and often hates guys advancing. For example a friend of mine will constantly hit on her for a joke or compliment her. Recently we got chatting and she has always complaint that I never used to make effort and she thought I was not interested. So to confirm I have been complimenting her and she has been taking it well. In jokes I mentioned we should meet up, and she seem up for it. One night things got bit heavy texting and I felt like she was really into it. Anyway this is what caught me by surprise. She is married woman with 2 kids. Is she enjoying me for attention or is she actually interested? Everything has been going at snail pace and we both enjoying it. All this time I’m thinking how did I not realise because she is okay to talk about her kids. What should I do in this situation? If say let’s go beach next week, she will most likely say yes let’s go. I mean which woman is able to find a baby sitter that quick? Surely she must be interested right? Shall I stop being a gentlemen and be a man?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 July 2018):
 I misunderstood your update as your friend got in to a relationship with a girl that he had sex with, so I am sorry about that. I didn't mean to insinuate that you are a bitter person I just got that bit wrong. Still though you are going through a break up and well it is going to take time and everything will seem at its worst at the moment. Your friend might not know what to say to you, some people are just not good at talking. Either way don't ruin someone else's life because you are going through a hard time.
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (18 July 2018):
 Sorry for your break up but it's no excuse to wreck the lives of others.. how would her kids, husband be affected if you started an affair?? Doesn't matter what basis you're attracted to each other on. There's however many billions of people out there that are SINGLE.
She is taken. Respect the fact that she is off limits, no matter what a "connection" you have with her. Treat others how you would like to be treated- would YOU be happy if your wife/ gf had an affair??
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2018): No I am the happiest person when people tell me their news. I don’t suffer from jealousy, I am very lucky. When I was in school I was told I was useless at everything, you get used to your friends getting better grades, which in return means better life.
Turned out the opposite, I studied to PHD level, got job that pays what people own in a week, got the car most of my friends dreamed off. So I done well in that sense. So I always offer to help and I’m always there for friends. I don’t think I have ever been bitter. So that’s definitely not right.
I have always suffered from envious eyes, people love to see me fall. But again I’m used to it. Just expected bit more from the friends that I grown up with.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (16 July 2018):
You need to take time to get over your ex. It is all still fresh and yes you are hurting, but honestly OP do you think breaking up a marriage will help? Be the reason that two parents split up and there are two children left in the middle? There is no excuse for that just because you enjoy the attention.
Have you contacted your friends? Invited them over? It sounds like you are bitter your friend met someone and maybe that is why he is keeping his distance because well you should be happy for him.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 July 2018):
 Baby steps, OP
You just broke up after being with someone for 6 years. Of course that hurts and makes you feel numb.
Whether your ex was "right" on being worried about the finances doesn't matter right now. What matter is that you get back on your feet. Get a routine that feels good for you. However, at some point in time you might want to look back at that last relationship and figure out what REALLY went wrong there, so you don't repeat it. Was there any basis for her worries? Did you spend money "willy-nilly"? Did you not keep to a budget and save up? Etc. Or did she not work and had to rely on you financially? Did you spend more money on "fun" and others? Instead of your own future? If so, that is probably why these "so-called friends" aren't around.
Being outgoing in fine but it doesn't mean you HAVE to be the one with all the ideas or planning. And it doesn't mean you CONSTANTLY have to be entertained or entertaining.
Take some time to spend around people who ARE a positive influence on you, like family and the friends who can see past the "fun-time" guy.
And I get that this married lady felt comfortable and interested, but think about it, if she was YOUR wife would you still think that it was great for her to be chatting up some other dude?
In the end she will have to decide if her marriage is worth saving... and you have to consider if you keep chatting her up what would you do if she decided to leave the husband for you? All of a sudden there is a lady with two kids on your doorstep.
What would you like to be doing? Instead of staring at the fan? Because you DO know you can go out and do thing that doesn't cost much and still have fun. And you can do thing ALONE too. It doesn't make you "boring".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2018): Yeh you guys are right, I could ruin things. I’m just messed up, broke up with my gf of 6yrs and I don’t know what to do with myself. I realised I used to be outgoing and now I would rather confide in a friend than be out and wild. Guess that’s what drew me closer to her, her stability. My ex was fussing over bills and constant problems. So much so that it sucked the fun out of life. Working long hours to come home to moaning and complaining. I tried to be there hoping she will eventually get it all out. But nope, until I snapped the convo would never end about her problems.I thought I’d b happier but I’m not at all. Life has lost its fun. I met a close friend of mine, one who has seen me go through it all, and I was so glad to be able to tell him. Few mins later he moved on to a girl he banged. It jus killed me, I couldn’t even share it without it being taken seriously.I have been so outgoing, always planning organising, involving friends ppl, pushing ones that are lazy and going having fun, adventures, activities, laughs but ..as soon as my circumstance changes now and after breakup I am down, I feel like no one around me could actually care.I been at home and all those ppl I thought cared, wel they don’t. And it’s destroying me. Like am I really this boring that no one could give a hoot. All that money I spent on ex, friends jus so I could also have fun. Means nothing. No one has called or text me, to check how I am or to invite me out. I’m currently sitting here in heat of summer inside with a fan on, with the sound of it rotating and thinking...wow what purpose do I have in life?So with that girl maybe I was enjoying attention. I guess that’s out the window too. It’s not jus attention, it was intellectual.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (15 July 2018):
 Perhaps you should ask her husband? And her children?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2018): She's married. Just stop contacting her outside work; and be professional when on the job. Easy-peasy!
BTW, if her husband catches-on...he knows where you work!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2018): Is she still with her husband or are they separated? If she is still living with hubby but unhappy with him or if she is just looking for some thrill and excitement on the side I say be a gentleman and keep away from her. You seem to be a nice and decent guy,so don't be a cause for break up of her marriage. Also what will happen to her kids? I know the situation is very tempting but you will be sorry and regret the minute you got intangled with her. It is a dangerous path that will lead to a lot of pain and problems for all around. Find yourself a nice single gf and draw away from this one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2018): Is she MARRIED or a single mother with two kids? You need to get that fact straight first.
If she is MARRIED.. then stay away. No heavy texting, no flirting, no going out anywhere! Stay a gentleman!!
If she is a Single Mother and you are able to accept her two children, then yes, definitely ask her out, hold her hand, kiss her... or any 'manly' act you have in mind LOL!!
Don't think too much about where she finds her babysitter.. maybe she has family or friends that are of great support. Being available on short notice does not confirm anything. If you want an accurate answer, ask her. Open and honest communication is key!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 July 2018):
She is married, OP
What in the world would you get out of this mess? Other than MAYBE some attention, fantasy and some affair?
And I agree - define - gentleman and man...
Kind of curious.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (15 July 2018):
 Not quite sure what you mean by "be a man" … are you going to grab her by the pussy as Trump put it so eloquently or give her a bit of rough and a jolly good rogering behind the photocopier?
I don't really feel that I can give any sort of decent answer until you explain just what you mean by "being a gentleman" and "being a man".
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