A
male
age
30-35,
*xodust
writes:So...Ive been together with this girl for a year and almost eight months.we have been having a hard time for already half a year, whats bothering me is that she is always on the edge, always annoyed at me, she has a really "short fuse".obviously i do things that annoy her, but whether she is right or wrong for getting annoyed, she always over does it.It is making our relationship hell and we are both having doubts of whether we should stay together or not.We have spoken many many times about problems but she just cant seem to accept my side of the story - and always tries to make the topic of conversation - what I am doing wrong.when I tell her she is over reacting she feels like Im not accepting who she is.we are at the verge of breaking upmy question is this:How can i get her to understand that she is over reacting all the time? or perhaps there is a diffrent solution to this problem?ignoring it when it happens dosent work because she gets annoyed at me for ignoring her.I really want to continue this relationship but its becoming a pain in the neck for both of us. perhaps it isnt alive enough, mabey its boring so we are resorting to fights?please try and help me improve this relationship..thanks in advance! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009): Ever thought the problem could lie partly with you?
By the sounds of it, YES, you are doing your best to ease the relationship but what you need it to try a different approach!
To do this, sometimes the best option is a third person.
Us men, can sometimes think that its the weak option to see a counsellor; but if you want to save your relationship you need to put a different foot forward.
She will be pleased that you're taking initiative, and the counsellor can help see the wrongs on both sides.
In relationships when things go wrong, its often instinct to blame the other person's flaws (eg-her short fuse)... especially when you feel you've gone out on arm and limb.
When we do this we fail to see our own problems (eg- stubborness) the key here is to get down to the source of the problem on both sides.
Both of you need to change your approach to dealing with the problem.
Love and anger are two way streets. Something in your personality is clashing with hers.
Best of luck!
A
male
reader, exodust +, writes (25 May 2009):
exodust is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice, I think its that little push i needed to come to the conclusion about what I should do, although im doubtful she will understand what I will tell her I will try anyway.
Im not sure If i want to end this relationship at all..
but its true that waiting dosent help.
hopefully things will work out, and if not then hopefully we will have what it takes to break up.
im seeing her tonight and will probably talk to her about this.
wish me luck:)
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A
female
reader, love-struckxo  +, writes (25 May 2009):
 You say she is over-reacting all the time? is that really true, or do you just think everytime she gets mad, 'your overreacting!' or is she REALLY having huge outbursts as you describe?
I know with my previous boyfriends, what I saw as a BIG issue, they always saw as little. Maybe, you need to learn to ACCEPT her side of the story too, as long as shes willing to listen to yours as well..
It takes two to tango my friend.
She's a teenager, her moods are all over the place, and so are her horomones. We are truly, here there and everywhere. We will like you one minute, and not the next.
I am not saying at all this is acceptable behavior, because she also sounds very stubborn. If you simply cannot make ends meet.. the break up will happen sooner or later.
I always say, why do we hang on to people, we've already lost?
We know what we HAVE to do, but we simply do not do it. We try to hang on for as long as we can, even though we know whats going to happen sooner or later, and the desicion is already made up in our head.
Say something like this to her, 'I want to try to make this work, but I can't do it all by myself, I really like you and want to stay in this relationship, and if its going to work, were BOTH going to need to make some changes'(and make sure you are actually willing to make some changes, whether you think you need to or not, your probably not the PERFECT boyfriend either)
But if she says no, or carries it on into an arguement.. then you know what you have to do. Just remind yourself, you did the best you could to make it work, but she just wouldn't have it.. and there is someone better out for you then.
I hope I helped a little..
xxx
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