A
female
age
26-29,
*anyaalexis95
writes:My boyfriend seems to be really comfortable talking about how some girls are hot. It makes me feel really uncomfortable and puts the thought in my head that he might go after another girl. Am I overreacting?Also yesterday, he mentioned one of his ex's and the first time he "made love", saying by the end they realised they both were thinking of the same song which became "their song", etc, and he seemed happy thinking about it. Mind you half the time he is completely wasted and he was last night as it was his birthday. I can't help but thinking it might not be "making love" with me. I can't get around why he would mention it.Previously, I have had to be in the same room with someone he had sex with and it made me uncomfortable. When I brought it up with him, he said to me "I was 19 then" and I told him "How would you feel being in the same room with someone I f*cked?" And he just ended the conversation. I honestly don't know what to think about these sorts of things and its just driving me nuts. What do you think? Why does he talk about those sorts of things?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (22 May 2013):
Dear OP,
This guy sadly reminds me of myself when I was younger. When I felt very comfortable with someone, e.g. someone I love, I had a stupid tendency to tell all the stuff that came to mind. That includes intimate details about my (sexual) past/preferences etc. that no one should ever know.
Yes, as the first poster said, it might be that he doesn't love you. But I tend more to agree with cerberus, some people have verbal diarrhea and blurt out stuff they shouldn't. It's good to make him realize he's making you feel uncomfortable, though, you don't need to accept this behavior in the long run.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2013): Frankly OP it just sounds like a young guy who doesn't know the rules when it comes to this kind of thing because you haven't sat him down and told him them.
They're simple really.
1. We don't ogle/stare at other women while you're around.
2. We don't gush over other women or our past sexual exploits to you, ignorance is bliss and if we do talk about those things we're not to over emphasize how great it was.
3. You being the best we've had is always to be implied, even if it's not necessarily true.
4. Girlfriends are not guy friends and you can't compare of contrast, or comment on the hotness of other women with them.
5. You're not to act single, no more window shopping for women or commenting too positively on the physical attributes of other women in terms of sexual attraction.
6. You are not boast about other women you've been with or point them out when you're with your girl and she's there too. Women are not impressed by your sexual conquests.
7. No fucking details, no elaborate stories of how special a moment you shared with an ex was.
OP the rules are easy to follow but young men don't always get that a girlfriend is not a "friend" and has to be treated differently to them when it comes to romance. he has to make you his number one focus sexually, romantically and if he cannot tell the difference and learn that talk of his sexual past, special romantic moments and checking out other women is only to be done with guy friends when you're not around, then dump him for a guy who does understand those things.
Feel free to show him my post if you like. Or you could spend ten minutes on google finding a list of dos and don'ts. You're not the first woman with this issue and there are lots of lists designed to teach boys acceptable behaviour in a logical way.
If he can't make you his chief romantic focus, dump him because it's not just his youth and inexperience then, your fears will be true if he doesn't stop.
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A
female
reader, tanyaalexis95 +, writes (22 May 2013):
tanyaalexis95 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen it comes to saying "I love you", I'll say it back to him and then he says "you better". Makes me confused
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (22 May 2013):
 he doesnt love you,your just something to occupy his time..hes probably not planning a future with you.
or because hes just a guy a dumb insensitive one..
solution none
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