A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Dear people, I'm in need of your very honest opinion.I wrote the following poem from the heart and before I give it to that someone, I just needed to know what other people think of it, any comment will be highly appreciated. Below is the poem- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - BECAUSE OF YOUFrom the moment you entered my worldA lot of agony faded, all the shadowed happiness came to lightWithout doing much you created a miracleBecause of you I have perseverence I didn't know existedThrough my impatience I can wait a lifetime, just for a moment with youThrough my flaws and all the imperfections you overlooked,You've made me a better person.Unaware, you've taught me more than you'll ever realiseI've never been so tolerantAnd because of you I can now see why troubles are merely a stepping stoneBecause of you i've learned to appreciate all the little things I haveI can now see the bigger picture and never will I regret the dayour eyes met nor the day I put my heart in the line,all because of youI love you, your idiosyncrasies and all the sides you possessEven the stone cold side and all the others that only I see.Seeing how far we've came only gives me hope And makes me realize how sorry I am for all the pain I unwittingly causefor it brings even more misery to meIn my silent world and through all my silenceall your amiable words echo in the background, Awakening my world to the ever so magnificent sound of your voicemaking every bit so devine.I cannot say I have your heart, giving it away is a chance you are not ready to take but i'll never be resentful of thatbecause you have two, yours and mineAnd although I never confess, I admire your strenght and all your courageI know it hasn't been easy.You showed me a different world and it's because of you my heart is so strongYou helped me understand a part of you, and for that i'm grateful.How I love losing myself in you, How amazing it is when our souls become oneIt's like walking hand in hand to heavenHaving you by my side has made me all that I amThe love I feel for you is an emotion so intense it's almost hypnotic and be it returned or not, I'm thankful for you gave me someone to love. PNS Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwow ladies thank you very much, you all made me cry :)))))
Ps:DiovanLestat i appreciate you honest criticism, thanx for helping me improve my work. xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): PS: The flow and the tone of the poem is great. Several times you change tune in mid flow and then start singing in a different voice. This is great, it feels like we are watching somebody making mistakes, giving up, then getting up and trying again.. Your tone of voice is beautiful and hits hard on the emotional level.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): OK you want honest criticism I suppose, so I'll try and give it.. The poem overall is very sophisticated, and it's very pretty and it is clear to see that it describes things that have actually happened in your life..
But now lets look at it more carefully..
"shadowed happiness"... now this is really confusing, it's beautiful, it makes you stop and think.. Don't change it... It's a big punchline, it tells the reader to stop and think because this is not an easy poem.. How can happiness be "shadowed"..
"perseverence I didn't know existed".. I don't like the word existed, it takes away some of the magic and the impact that you've been showing in the rest of the poem.. could you find a better word.. but if not leave it. Existed is ok, but not up to the great standard of the rest of the work.
"Without doing much you created a miracle".. please reword this...keep the word "miracle", but change the wordings because again it's not up to the standard of everything else... The rest of the poem has emotional impact, the word miracle has emotional impact. But the sentence itself doesn't work for me, it's like a sentence that's been put in to fill in some gaps.. Please reword it, so it flows with the rest of the poem...
But otherwise, Bravo, author, Bravo, I felt an intense connection with your words. So much hope, and then sadness, understanding, acceptance and then back to hope again. Bravo you are a very good poet. You choose your words carefully, they say a lot and have emotional impact.. and you nearly made me cry... GRRRRRRR
PS: Use a spell checker, some of your spelling is wrong and it spoils the dramatic and emotional impact of the poem.. But it's very good, very, very good, thank you for sharing it with us all... Ms anonymous is right, it might just be enough to get paid. Please continue with your hobby, don't give up, your words are very real and touching to me and many others...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): Your poem is beautiful and you obviously like to write.
I hope whoever this poem is for appreciates it, and can i suggest you try...
www.Triond.com
You can write poems, stories, articles...basically whatever you want....and the best part
you get paid for it!!
All the best
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A
female
reader, Ck1  +, writes (17 December 2008):
made me cry,
really nice! x
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A
female
reader, Destiny28  +, writes (17 December 2008):
It's a beautiful poem!!! All the best!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much Gina. xxx
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