A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm in this situation and i'm not sure how to handle in. Here goes, my husband and i recently seperated after being married for 10 yrs.he continues to blame me for everything that lead to the seperation.I believe that i'm a good women i did everything that was required of me as a wife, and i do mean everything.I'm a mother, worked full time, school full time. I came home every evening cooked and cleaned if needed,i'm a real neat freak, so major house cleaning wasn't always necessary, the sex life was awesome.What i do not understand is, he had everything most men wish that had and he found every excuse not to be in the marriage.until this day i blame it on his lack of maturity.I need some advice on how to handle the situation. he would always say he love me ,but his action contradicted his words.he never did anything in the house,or on the outside when it would break, i would inform him of a problem and he would say i will get to it but never did.the real reason we split is because his unfaithfulness, now i remind u i never gave him any reason to cheat.but i know his a man is what ppl would say.after all he put me through he wants me to take him back and i refuse to be treated less than i give out. this man tried to break me down, but didn't.I have given him so much mercy in this marriage my heart can take him anymore. I gave my all and got nothing in return.I come to the conclusion that he never really loved me. He loved what i did for him.this get much deeper but i hit some key point.oh did i mention after the seperation he confided in my so called friend, whom he was trying to get with he said no but i wasn't born yesterday. can some give some feedback on this . thanks!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (28 April 2009):
 I'm going to take another direction with this. So often when we get questions here We get only one side of the story. In every relationship and in every divorce there are two people. Two sides of the story. He didn't go looking for an affair because he was happy at home with a ten year marriage. Regardless of how good of a wife you were, apparently, there was something missing. Now we don't know what it was, but your schedule looks pretty full and you seem to have an obsession with the house.
What is obvious is that you are both playing the blame game. He blames you, you blame him. You are both much more concerned with who is at fault, than you are interested in fixing the problems. As long as you are this state you should not get back together.
Communication and teamwork make a marriage. You say he is not much of a team player, that needs to be fixed. You don't know why he cheated, that needs to be fixed. There is probably more. As Yoda said "search your feelings".
FA
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (28 April 2009):
Yep you are far better off without him.
Of course he's going to want you back as you are his maid and childminder.
But if he didn't treat you well (he didn't) and then he CHEATED then that is far MORE than you need to haul him through the divorce court.
You are worth more than this guy and I think you know it.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (28 April 2009):
 maybe take him back w/ a few considerations, marriage counseling, him doing more house work. he obviously loves you if hes been w/ you for ten years. tell him he has to re-earn your trust and when he satisfies you and you trust him that he better keep his word. if this dont work out you can always get a divorce.
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