A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello all,I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. I see him every two months or so. I just got back from visiting him. I spent 7 days with him. We hardly made love. Maybe 5 times. Four days before I was about to leave, I was asleep and he was watching a porn video, AS I LAY RIGHT BESIDE HIM. It was so akward for me that he had the nerve to put it on as I lay there. I kinda moved my arm and he shut it off. Then I still lay there on my side and he put it on again. I mean really, we hardly even get to make love. I did even try to wear some sexy lingerie before that incident and he told me to take it off and lets watch a movie instead. I mean I don't understand.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (28 April 2009):
It sounds like he doesn't see porn as a big thing... more as another sexy thing for you to share.
If you don't see it that way then you have to TELL HIM! He's not psychic.
Plus, 5 times in one week is really not that bad. If you spent ALL your time having sex then it wouldn't be much of a relationship, just a prolonged one night stand with a pen pal.
There has to be more than sex in your visits.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2009): Ooooh, your man has a problem!!!!! People will write in on here and the male view will be "all men do it", eg. watch porn and some women will even try and justify it too. However, there is watching porn where it has no impact on the relationship. But here, it is taking over from a REAL relationship so there is no justification for this behaviour, short of making you feel undesirable. Your guy is being a bit of a short sighted idiot. You need to have a serious conversation with him and about how it makes you feel and why he feels the need to do it. I had the same thing with my man a while ago. I was totally anti porn when we began our relationship, only to have him cover up the fact that he liked watching it (as he knew how much I hated it). It turns out, my views on porn made him feel guilty about his watching it, which manifested in our love life going downhill and I didn't even know why. We then had the conversation where he said I had made him feel guilty about his little pleasure - in fact what had happened is when he was married, his wife just didn't want to know at all so he turned to porn over a 3 year period. This is where the danger set in - this is what he relied on to get his jollies. So despite me being willing to try anything, I had to compete with an image on a PC/DVD because that is what he came (pardon the pun), to rely on. He now rarely watches it and our love life has improved ten fold. Occasionally I will even watch one with him for a bit of a change, but NOT OFTEN. Your BF needs to be desensitised from it. The danger i found as well, is we watched a porn clip which was the most boring clip i have ever seen in terms of what the woman and the guy was doing - YET, it instantly turned us both on and therein lies the danger in PORN. It looks great on screen and it's not even totally a visual thing for guys -it's a MIND thing. You need to talk and get this one out in the open. Good luck.
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