A
female
age
30-35,
*espop
writes:hey I'm a twenty year old girl and i am a virgin. I have never had a boyfriend in my life, just hookups. Beacuse of my problems with attachment. I find it very hard to connect with people especially guys. But you cant really tell by how i look. I look rather good and can get boys wherever i go but the problem is that it's never the right guys. I feel like most of them just want to use me and the good guys i just dont feel any attraction with. But coming down to my dilemma is that last weekend i decided that i would wait no more for mister right and just lose my virginity with the next hansom guy. I feelt a real low and just giving up hope on love. And the "first" guy i meet was my sisters friend who was a really hansom and smart guy. We kind of clicked. One day we were alone and he was kind of shy so i made the first move and kissed him. He spent the night over and he noticed i wanted more. He stopped me and said that he just broke of with his girlfriend from two weeks. I never thoght a guy would reject me. I mean the immpression i have from guys is that the are sex hungry savages. But he also said that he had to have feelings for a girl before sleeping with her. First i was stunned every guy i have made out with have tried to get in my pants without even making any effort. And now when im practically giving it away to this guy without any effort into this. He rejected me. Well i said i understod and backed off we just cuddled that night. But with my big mouth i felt that i wanted to tell him that i was a virgin! For why i do not know. He said that i should wait for the right one. But i noticed as we hanged that he was holding back. i started to doubt my self heavily. was it something i said or done. And he even maid excuses to not hang out with me the last night i was visiting my sister. We live three hours from eachother but i dont care about the distance i really want to make it with this guy beacue he is the sweetest guy i have ever meet. A true gentlemen. I'm going to visit in a couple of weeks and i'm wondering how i should behave. Should i show that i dont care or flirt with him. Beacue i'm afraid that he thinks i'm total nutcase for wanting to sleep with him after a couple days of hanging out and im a virgin? What do u think he thinks of me after such an incident?
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flirt, never had a boyfriend, shy Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, 11muds11  +, writes (24 January 2012):
I think it's fine if you want to explain yourself to him, but you need to do it in a way that's not intense. Find a nice easy way and place of saying it to him. Just go understanding that probably won't help you to get him back, but it might give you better piece of mind.
You could also write him an e-mail if you cant see him. Again start lightly and try not to be too long. This might help but maybe it also might help you feel better.
And remember for next time. Most guys want to be "the guy". They want to be the one to go after you, not the other way around. You might have come on a little strong for him - especially since he is, as you say, a nice one. Learn to use your feminine wiles to get the good ones to come after you - even when you want them really bad. Hope this helps. Good luck.
A
female
reader, mespop +, writes (23 January 2012):
mespop is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i was thinking about that i should explane meself to him. But i was unsure if that would just make it more awkward between us and that i should just begin on a new page and just forget what had happend. Is that a better solution maybe? But i'm contemplating to talk to him about it i don't find it hard to talk to him if it would help. But i don't know what the right thing to do is?
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A
male
reader, 11muds11 +, writes (18 January 2012):
I think I'll try and write from the guy's perspective.
First off, when you break up with a girl you really like, it's really tough for a guy. Unlike women, most men do not like to talk about it too much. So it usually takes more time to get over it. 2 weeks is really short.
Sometimes love is about timing. You just hit him at the wrong time. Once it's bad timing for a guy the first time, he feels awkward and it's difficult to get it back. Especially since he's shy already. My suggestion is to move on from this guy. I know it's hard, but unless there's a situation where he's really comfortable, it's going to be hard for him to go after you.
The only way I could think of, is to out with him in a group, get him alone for a sec and tell him you're really sorry if you freaked him out at all. Tell him to bad it was bad timing and you hope it's better timing now. But I think that might be hard.
But a ton of guys would love to date a virgin. You just have to not worry about it and to find the right one. Maybe go and look for guys in different places you're looking for right now? What are your hobbies? Try to go places where you'll have the same interest as the guys instead of just the clubs. You'll find the really good guys there. And that way it's very easy for you to make a connection. Good luck.
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