A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so I know this is long, and I'm sorry, but I really want to hear some advice regarding this confusing situation!My bf broke up with me around 2 weeks ago, saying he can't see a future with us and that he still wants to be friends. I was sad and I asked him to reconsider, but he stuck with his decision. I know he still cares for me though, because I made him cry when I mentioned one of our favorite songs. Anyway, so I had been cutting contact from him so that I can heal and move on, but then we saw each other when we were celebrating with our friends. He looked miserable, and hardly talked to anyone, which is really out of character. I on the other hand, acted happy and calm so that my friends wouldn't feel so awkward. As I was leaving that night, he ran out to me and asked for his work shirt, and I gave it to him. Then, he hugs me.Well, that was around a week ago. Ever since, he occasionally texts me with empty conversation like "how are you?" but I have ignored these. I had been trying to move on, so I had been casually seeing other people. When he found out, he called me, but hung up. I know he is trying to see other women, but he is doing it online instead of socializing. Also, he has not picked up his stuff from my house yet, including his PS3. I haven't bugged him about it, because there are some games coming out on the PS3 that I want to play, and I don't have my own PS3. ;)I guess my question is, what do you think he's up to? These kind of actions that he has been doing make me believe that he isn't ready to let go. But, I refuse to be his fall back just because he is lonely. I don't need him in my life, but if possible I want to work things out so we can get back together again romantically. What do you think he's trying to do, and what should I do about it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): I think you are being really strong and doing all the right things. The thing is, breakups arn't meant to be easy. He told you you love him more and he doesn't see a future...listen to what he is saying, afterall, the man of you dreams would NEVER come out and say that...it is a massive thing for anyone to say, so can you really imagine someone who doesn't want to lose you and let you go saying that?! It probably took a lot of courage for him to do it because I'm sure he does love you, maybe he just realised you werent the one, but it doesnt make letting someone who you love go any easier, which is why he is acting the way he is now. Like the other posters say, it is up to him to make any moves of getting back together. But I would say even if he does, be careful that like you say he is not doing it just because right now he is lonely and misses you and it takes the pain away immediately. x
A
female
reader, califnan +, writes (19 September 2009):
 The way that he has been acting - seems to be proof that you have been doing the right thing by going on with your life - and not letting it get you down.. Now he is questioning himself.. He broke up with you, I would think that it is up to him to work it out, according to what he wants .. I can well understand that you would not like to answer his "how are you" questions - that fester your previous hurt .. But if he sends you communication of substance - then you can answer .. Time will tell if he was just confused, and wishes to get back together ..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): (I don't know how to confirm I'm the one asking the question, but um, I am that person!) Thanks for your comments! Actually, he said I loved him more than he loved me! XD
I am trying to be strong and do what's best for me, but I really want to get back together. He made me happy beyond words. I think he felt like I was being clingy, but I was just getting ready for us to move in. You see, we had been planning to move in together, and we were a week away when he broke up. So, maybe he got scared and wanted to see what else is out there?
All I know is that he needs his space right now, but I definately want to get back together. I had been doing a lot of thinking and asking if that's what I really want and not my pride talking. And, I'm certain that it's not my pride, I truly do love him. I realize that talking to him right now would probably ruin my chances, so I'm doing positive things for myself like working out.
What you guys suggest I should do to win him back?
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (19 September 2009):
 Your ex is obviously in a lot of pain. He's definitely suffering. There's no question he harbors a great deal of regrets, and he's so conflicted about what he did that he's afraid to tell you what's going on with him.
If you want him back, then you need to really decide what you, in your heart want out of this relationship and then you two have to communicate with each other about it.
Its obvious he wants to turn to you. Whatever it is, if you truly do love him or care for him at least, you should try and open him up a bit and very gently find out what's going on with him.
It could be that he's lonely. But I can tell you if he really made a big mistake in breaking up with you, its going to be hard for him to admit it unless he really trusts you.
Regardless, you can see the effect its had on him. You know him best from the good old days. So its up to you. You can move on with your life and leave him behind, or you can try and decide together if you want it back.
Whatever it is that led to the first breakup probably is a major problem you'd both have to overcome.
The only other thing I can think of is that he may have loved you a lot more than you did him. It seems you're much stronger emotionally than he is, and that may be upsetting him more. So be aware of that possibility too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): I think he's trying to wait for you to buy those games, then he's going to take away the PS3! Ahem , To be honest I don't think he's trying to "do" anything. He just doesn't "know" what to do and is clearly unable to move on like you have. There's nothing you can do about it and you don't have to wait for him, but you can wait for a while if you want to, its really up to you. It would look like he may try to contact you again in the future but what you are doing for now is much better to focus with. He needs to clear his head as well and try to pick himself up before he falls back in your arms or any girls arms for that matter, or he should try to figure out what he really wants in his life. I guess i wish him luck. I don't think you need it since u already have the ps3!
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