A
female
age
41-50,
*m01260
writes:I'm 26 years old and was dating my boyfriend for about 7 months and everything was pretty great. No real issues or anything. We didn't really have a discussion ever about "where the relationship was going". But everything was fine, and for the most part I'd introduce him as my boyfriend and he didn't ever question it. Until one day a few weeks ago he introduced me to 3 different people as 'his friend'. So naturally I was quite bothered. So I bring it up and he says that's all he sees us ever being. He doesn't see a future. Even though just 5 days before, he was asking me what I was doing for christmas. And he'd joked about moving in with me a bunch of times. (Notice, he didn't even have the balls to bring up the situation)So, that was that and he kept calling and emailing and texting to "see how i am". Obviously he misses me, as a friend. He turned the switch so quickly and expected me to be able to be friends after a week. But I just had to cut all ties, so I wouldn't be getting mixed signals. Now I hear he's scared to be friends because he doesn't want to see me dating other guys... In my past, when I've been the 'dumper' I've always been more than happy to see my ex move on and meet someone great because I couldn't give them what they needed. Why would anyone feel jealous in this situation when they did the dumping? I just can't understand.
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christmas, jealous, move on, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): Its not rly about the actions involved. It's more about the feelings that are involved. His current feelings are his inability to move on. I don't know if he still likes you but I guess seeing as he would become jealous it means that he does. Yea he did dump you but as you can see he has been trying to contact you and what not. Then again it is something you "heard" so I'd be weary of that. It could be an excuse made by him as he has been unsuccessful in contacting you. In any case continue to do what you have been doing. Sometimes there is too much effort into labels but labels allow us to know where we stand with someone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2009): Kudos to you for not sticking around to be 'just his friend'. Many women don't love themselves enough to do this. You are obviously a emotionally healthy person, both for walking away from him and also for wishing your ex's well. These are both signs of emotional health.
Your ex, however, fits in with the majority of the population....he is emotionally unhealthy. He doesn't want you, but he doesn't want anyone else having you. That comes from objectifying behavior ... he still feels some kind of ownership for you (hence object) and he doesn't like to share with others.
You did the right thing, now don't waste anymore brain power trying to figure him out... the emotionally unwell do not react logically.
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